


College Town Coffee

by hobbit_hedgehog



Series: Small Towns and Dark Roasts [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Barista Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky Barnes-centric, Friends to Lovers, Hipster Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-20 20:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4800992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobbit_hedgehog/pseuds/hobbit_hedgehog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes has been balancing work and school for two months.  One day, a scrawny hipster with too big glasses and an undercut comes to the coffee shop and Bucky would be lying if he said he wasn't Bucky's type.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pumpkin Spice and Iced Americano

**Author's Note:**

> I am a sucker for Coffee shop AU's and College AU's. I need more of them in my life so here you go. This will be my attempt at actually writing a multichapter fic, so bear with me, I'm kind of bad at keeping longer stories going. Otherwise, enjoy!

Bucky Barnes did not want to be at work today. Not that he didn't like his job at the local, hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, but the combination of school work and the early morning rushes could be rough sometimes.

Bucky had transferred from a small, local college to a slightly larger state school two months ago, starting with enough credits to have junior year standing. He had liked his old school, but he liked how some New England state schools were small enough that classes didn't have an overwhelming amount of students, but were still big enough that your business wasn't everyone else's business. That, and the state school had a better engineering program. Once Bucky had settled in at his new school, he immediately began to look for a job so he could help pay for school. Most places were looking for new hires due to the drop in employees with the start of the new school year, meaning that Bucky had no problem landing a job with a local coffee shop. Odinson's Coffee was owned by an intimidating Scandinavian man named Odin, who also happened to be a mythologies professor at the school, and his two son's Thor and Loki, Bucky's classmates. At first, Bucky had been weary of the two brothers as Thor seemed loud and boisterous while Loki seemed more conniving and more likely to mess with Bucky. But over time, the two grew on Bucky and Bucky grew more relaxed around them. Thor, Bucky learned, was on the men's rugby team and was a physics major, same as his girlfriend Jane. Loki on the other hand was a theater major and had no interest in other extracurricular activities outside of the coffee shop.

Outside of the coffee shop, Bucky had an almost full course load. As a mechanical engineering major with a Russian minor, Bucky's schedule was filled with Engineering classes and Russian language and literature classes. His fellow engineering majors, namely a kid in his Fluid Mechanics class named Tony Stark, were baffled as to how he could juggle class work and a job at the same time.

"Seriously," Tony said during lab one day, "do you sleep, like, at all? Or have you sacrificed sleep entirely?"

Bucky merely replied with a shrug. He had completed enough of his engineering credits at his last school to allow for more humanities classes in his schedule. That being said, the combination of work and class still overwhelmed Bucky on some days. Bucky had been working at Odinson's Coffee for the better part of two months and despite his best efforts, some of the more complicated drink orders still tripped him up, especially if they were requested first thing in the morning. That went double if Bucky had been pulling an all-nighter to get homework done. Today was one of those days.

Bucky stumbled shivering into Odinson's Coffee five minutes before the start of his shift, uniform disheveled under a hastily buttoned coat and hair thrown back into a messy bun. The mid October wind had buffeted Bucky as he rode his bike to work and froze his shoulder slightly as it came in contact with his metal prosthetic arm despite his coat. Loki looked up from the open script on the counter and gave Bucky a once over before frowning.

"Is that really how you're going to greet customers when they walk in?" Loki asked incredulously.

"Woke up late, the wind was hell, give me a few," Bucky snapped as he jogged toward the employee break room.

Loki shook his head in return, looking back at the script as Bucky opened the break room door. Inside, Thor's head was resting on the table and he was snoring loudly. Bucky unbuttoned his coat and hung it and his messenger bag on the nearby hooks.

"Morning Thor," Bucky called as he straightened his uniform.

Thor sat bolt upright, a piece of paper stuck to the side of his face. After a moment of confusion, Thor spotted Bucky and grinned at his coworker. Bucky grinned in response and quickly retied his bun.

"Ah, good morning James!" Thor said, stretching as he got to his feet. "How are you on this fine October morning?"

"Well, running late, but what else is new?" Bucky responded.

"Another late night?" Thor asked as he made his way to the door.

"Naturally," Bucky said. "Your brother seems crankier than usual."

"Father hired another worker yesterday," Thor said with a shrug. "A friend of Jane's. Father had Loki come in early to train her, but it seems that she never showed up."

"That explains a lot," Bucky muttered. "He snapped at me over the state of my uniform."

Thor laughed out loud and clapped Bucky on the shoulder, "Not to worry James. Once the customers start arriving in an hour, he'll turn his anger towards the customers and off of you."

As if on cue, Loki threw the door open and glared at Thor, "If you two are done, there's prep work to be done before we open for the day."

With mumbled apologies, Thor and Bucky left the break room and began to help Loki with setting up shop for the day. By the time the morning rush had ended, Bucky was in a particularly bad mood. Loki had taken most of his frustration out on Thor, but some of it had been taken out on Bucky as well. It had mostly been nitpicking over the speed at which Bucky finished making orders, but Loki had also snapped at Bucky for messing up some of the more complicated drink orders. Loki had been in the middle of a particularly nasty critique when Jane's friend Darcy finally showed up, diverting Loki's attention away from Bucky and onto the apologetic, but mostly indifferent girl. Thor left for class shortly thereafter, leaving Bucky alone with the two for another hour and a half. Bucky sighed, grateful that the morning rush had finally died down and turned his attention to cleaning the counter. He had about ten minutes of silence before the bell above the door chimed, indicating that another customer walked in. Bucky put the rag and the bottle of cleaning spray under the counter before turning to greet the customer.

"Hi, welcome to Odinson's." Bucky said with a slightly forced grin, "What can I get for you?"

Standing before Bucky was a cute, scrawny looking, blond hipster with glasses that were way too big for his face and a sweater that was two sizes too big with black skinny jeans that were covered in paint. His head was buzzed on one side and the rest fell over part of his face. Overall, his was pretty good looking. The hipster returned Bucky's grin with a slightly more genuine one before speaking in a voice that was deeper than Bucky expected.

"Hi, do you guys have pumpkin spice flavored stuff?" The blond hipster asked.

"You're in luck," Bucky replied. "We just got some more flavoring in yesterday."

"Oh thank god," the hipster sighed. "My friends were gonna have a conniption fit if I didn't bring them pumpkin spice coffee like I told them I would. Could I get two large pumpkin spice coffees and an Iced Americano to go please?"

Bucky nodded as he reached for the cups, "What size on the Americano?"

"Oh, duh, Steve you meatball," the hipster, who was apparently called Steve, muttered. "Make it a large as well, please."

Bucky nodded, noting that the hipster had better manners than most of the other hipsters he dealt with during work. His smile became a bit more genuine as he set about making the drinks for Steve. Bucky worked quickly and soon passed the drinks over to Steve, who paid Bucky and left a generous tip in both tip jars that had "Frankenstein" and "Dracula" written on them.

"Thank you so much for this," Steve said as he placed the drinks in a to go carrier.

"Not a problem," Bucky replied. "Have a good day today."

Steve nodded in response and turned to leave. Just as he reached the door, he turned back to Bucky. He opened his mouth briefly before blushing and bolting out the door. Bucky watched him go, a smile on his lips and a bit of a crush forming, his day brightening a bit.

'I hope he comes back,' Bucky found himself thinking as he pocketed his share of the tips and left for class. 'He was really cute.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: My friend leonwingstein and I refer to Iced Americanos as a "Steve Rogers". We're kind of terrible.
> 
> Also, a word on the tip jars: At one of the local coffee shops here in my college town, they have dueling tip jars where you vote for your favorite thing by leaving a tip (ie: Bugs Bunny vs Mickey Mouse or something like that).
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope to update sometime this weekend when I'm not too swamped with convention stuff!


	2. Odd Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After turning down an offer to hangout with Thor's friends, Bucky begins to be noticed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, chapter 2! I decided to get this one up before I get swamped with con stuff this weekend. On a related note, if you're going to Vermont Comic Con, hit me up! I'll be Draco Malfoy tomorrow and Hipster!Link on Sunday. A big thanks to everyone who has kudos'ed and/or subscribed, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Also a big thanks to my best friend leonwingstein who wrote a hella cute companion piece to this story about Billy Kaplan/Teddy Altman, so go check it out!

It took less than a week for Bucky to see Steve in the coffee shop again. Three days later, Steve walked through the door of the coffee shop, looking around expectantly. Steve's face seemed to light up a bit when he spotted Bucky behind the counter. At least, it seemed like it did to Bucky, but he couldn't be sure.

"I was hoping you'd be working today," Steve said as he approached the counter.

"Oh yeah?" Bucky asked, hoping he wasn't blushing too much. "Why's that?"

It was Steve's turn to blush. The small hipster cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, looking anywhere but at Bucky. "That coffee you made the other day was amazing," Steve said as he continued to avoid looking at Bucky. "My friends said that I should bring them coffee from here more often."

"They said that huh?" Bucky questioned as he moved to grab the cups. "So, same as last time then?"

"Well, Sam said it nicely. Natasha politely demanded it," Steve elaborated. "And make that three pumpkin spice coffees today. I want to see what all the fuss is about. Not that your Iced Americano wasn't amazing, but Sam and Natasha seemed offended that I wasn't participating in fall traditions."

The names Sam and Natasha seemed familiar to Bucky, but he pushed the thought to the back of his mind as he set to work making the three pumpkin spice coffees. The pair lapsed into comfortable silence while Bucky worked. Once he was done, Bucky slid the three drinks towards Steve.

"I'm glad that your friends like my coffee," Bucky admitted as Steve paid and then dropped a tip into the "Nicki Minaj" tip jar. "I've only been here for a couple of months and my barista skills aren't quite up to snuff."

"Could have fooled me," Steve replied before taking a sip of his drink. Steve let out an appreciative groan before continuing, "This tastes absolutely amazing."

Bucky grinned broadly and scratched the back of his neck, "Thanks. I try."

At that moment, two of the local high school boys walked through the door, bell tingling as it swung open and then closed. Steve turned to look at the boys before turning back to Bucky. Steve grabbed the drink carrier and stepped back from the counter.

"I guess I'll see you around," Steve said, peering at Bucky's name tag, "James."

Before Bucky could reply, Steve turned and walked out of the coffee shop, leaving Bucky to deal with the two teenagers.

"See ya Steve," Bucky mumbled to himself.

***

"So James," Thor began a few days later during closing time. "Loki tells me that you have a regular customer."

"Oh did he," Bucky mumbled as he loaded dishes into the washer, Thor's words not entirely registering.

"Yes, Steven Rogers. Loki says that the two of you are quiet smitten with each other," Thor affirmed, clapping Bucky's shoulder and jolting a mug out of Bucky's hands.

The mug dropped to the ground and cracked as Bucky spun to face Thor, "Saywhanow?"

"Loki mentioned that you and Steven seemed to be taken with each other," Thor reiterated, holding his hands up in a placating manner.

"Thor, you of all people should know that Loki likes to make things up," Bucky snapped, ducking down to both pick up the broken mug and to hide his blush. "Besides, he's only been in here twice. I'd hardly call that being a regular."

"My apologies, I meant no offense," Thor replied, holding out a trash can for Bucky to throw the cracked mug into.

Bucky nodded at Thor in acknowledgement before turning back to the dishwasher. As he loaded the last few plates, something Thor said confused Bucky.

"How do you know Steve?" Bucky asked, turning to look at his coworker.

"Steven and I lived in the same dorm building our first two years before Loki and I moved back into our parent's home," Thor explained. "We had quite the interesting friend group."

Well, that certainly caught Bucky's attention; Thor and Bucky had never really talked about their personal lives, as Loki had some sixth sense regarding conversations about his and Thor's life outside of the coffee shop and would end those conversations before they really started. But since Loki had left hours ago, Bucky felt that now was the perfect opportunity.

"Yeah? What was that like?" Bucky prompted.

"Well, Loki and I naturally shared a room, much to his chagrin," Thor began. "Steven lived with Sam Wilson, Tony with James Rhodes, Peggy Carter with Angie Martinelli, Natasha Romanov with Maria Hill, Jane with Darcy, Pepper Potts with Betty Ross and Clint Barton with Bruce Banner. Our RA was a senior named Phil Coulson who I believe is working on campus now as a counselor."

Bucky nodded, noting some familiar names. He knew Natasha, she was the red headed punk looking girl in his Russian classes. Tony, Sam, and Rhodey were all part of the mechanical engineering program as well. Peggy and Pepper were jointly in charge of multiple clubs on campus so of course Bucky knew who they were. Jane was in Odinson's often enough and Darcy had just started so naturally he knew who they were. Bucky was surprised that he knew as many of Thor's friends as he did.

"We were quite the rowdy bunch," Thor continued. "I'm surprised they let us live together for more than one year. At the end of last year, however, Loki and I moved back to our parents' home as the mandatory two years on campus were up and everyone else found houses or apartments nearby."

"Do you all still hang out together?" Bucky asked.

"Yes, of course," Thor responded. "Every weekend we find the time to get together. Except for Loki. He decided that our group was no longer to his liking."

Bucky hummed in response, not sure what to tell Thor. There was a beat of silence before a wide grin spread across Thor's face.

"James! You should come spend time with us tonight!" Thor exclaimed. "I'm sure that the others wouldn't mind if you did!"

Thor's invitation made Bucky pause for a moment. Bucky knew people, sure, but he wasn't friends enough with any of Thor's friends to be comfortable with going to their weekly get-together. Not that Bucky didn't appreciate it, but he still.

"That sounds like a lot of fun Thor," Bucky began hesitantly, "but I'm going to have to pass this time around. Maybe next time."

"Are you sure?" Thor asked, surprise clear on his face. "I know Steven would like to see you there."

Bucky grimaced internally, but flashed Thor a small smile, "I have a lot going on tonight, but I do appreciate the offer. Like I said, maybe next time."

Thor opened his mouth to protest, but must have thought against it as he closed his mouth and nodded. The two quickly finished their closing chores and left. After telling Thor he'd see him on Monday, Bucky rode back to his apartment, ready for his quiet night of Netflix and not hanging out with large amounts of people.

***

Come Monday, Bucky got the notion that maybe he had been missed at Thor's weekend get together. It started in Russian Literature, during which Bucky received a rare visit from Natasha. Bucky had been nursing the last of the coffee in his thermos when Natasha sauntered up to his mostly full row.

"This seat taken?" Natasha asked the boy sitting next to Bucky, gesturing to the seat he was sitting in. 

Her sickly sweet tone sent chills down Bucky's spine, his intuition screaming that the kid was gonna die if he didn't move. The other kid must have picked up on that vibe as well, as he quickly picked his stuff up and bolted for the back row. Natasha sat down next to Bucky, a catlike grin on her face.

"So, James right?" Natasha asked.

Bucky got the feeling that he was a fly on her spider's web. He merely nodded, choosing to look down at his notebook rather than at the punk girl just next to him. Bucky could feel Natasha's scrutinizing gaze roaming up and down his hunched figure and felt suddenly irritable. Bucky squared his shoulders and turned to look at Natasha, eyes defiant. Bucky took the opportunity to return the favor and take in Natasha. Like Steve, Natasha had opted for a buzzed hair look, the right side of her head covered in red fuzz. The metal of her nose and multiple ear piercings glinted in the florescent light of the classroom and her ripped skinny jeans were tucked neatly into her Doc Martens. Bucky's eyes flitted back up to Natasha's face and Bucky was surprised to see that she was full on grinning and that it seemed genuine. 

"Thor and Steve were right, you do have very blue eyes," Natasha replied nonchalantly.

Well, that certainly threw Bucky for a loop. It took Bucky a moment to respond, but as he went to speak, the professor began the lecture. Frazzled, Bucky turned back to his work, but kept sneaking glances at Natasha throughout class. It happened again in Bucky's Fluid Mechanics class. Just as Bucky took his seat, Tony Stark occupied the seat to his right. Before Bucky could say anything, Tony leaned in closer to Bucky, his eyes glinting with… Curiosity? Malice? The odd lighting of the classroom?

"You never said that you worked with Point Break and Rock of Ages at Odinson's," Tony said, tone not quite accusing, but not quite neutral either.

"I mean, it's not like anyone ever asked," Bucky reasoned as he shifted in his seat.

"True, you're not much of a talker," Tony mused. "Still, that would have been good to know sooner. We could have made it the official meeting place of the Mechanical Engineering Society and forced you to be a part of it."

"Umm… Thanks?" Bucky asked.

Tony brushed Bucky's words aside and settled in closer to Bucky, still eyeing him up, "That being said, I will be dropping in more often. Steve says your pumpkin spice coffee is to die for. I also owe him $5; your eyes are gorgeously blue."

Bucky flushed a bit at that, turning away from Tony and pulling his notebook out of his messenger bag. Luckily, Tony didn't have the opportunity to bug Bucky any more during class. Bucky booked it the minute class ended, not wanting to stick around and find out if Sam and Rhodey were also going to ask him odd questions about himself.

Sam and Rhodey decided to make their appearance in the middle of Bucky's shift. At first, the two of them stood outside of Odinson's and stared inside, eyeing up the coffee shop. After about five minutes of staring and arguing, the two entered the coffee shop, grins wide as they strode up to the counter. Once they reached it, Sam and Rhodey leaned against it, their faces suddenly darkened as they eyed Bucky.

"What can I get for you?" Bucky asked, a bit concerned given how his day had gone so far.

"Two large pumpkin coffees," Rhodey said, placing some bills on the counter.

With a nod, Bucky forwent the snarky comment about it being pumpkin spice season and turned to make their coffees. An uncomfortable silence descended on the trio and the looks on Rhodey and Sam's faces caused a chill to run down Bucky's spine. It was kind of ridiculous; he had classes with these guys, they were studious, but they were friendly. What was with the intimidation tactic? 

"So Barnes," Rhodey began with an icy tone after a few moments.

"What exactly are your intentions towards our dear Steve?" Sam finished, glaring at Bucky.

Bucky blinked owlishly at the two men as the words processed. Once their words registered, Bucky flushed and spluttered a bit. Part of Bucky was glad that Loki was taking his 15 minute break in the back and was not around to see this.

"Well?" Sam asked, trying his hardest not to laugh at Bucky's reaction.

"What do you mean well?" Bucky hissed once he gained his composure. "Steve's only been in here twice and I've said maybe 20 words to the guy! Very professional, strictly platonic! What is with everyone acting like I put the moves on him?"

Sam and Rhodey exchanged a quick glance before erupting into booming laughter. Bucky stared at the duo, their sudden change in personalities giving him whiplash.

"Dude, you should have seen the look on your face," Sam said in between gulps of air. "We're just messing with you."

"Huh?" was all Bucky could manage to squeak out.

"You were missed this weekend," Rhodey elaborated. "Thor mentioned that he invited you along, but you were too busy with something to join us. We assumed it was homework or something."

"And then Steve made some comment about your eyes being very blue and that he wanted to sketch you or something, so we all decided to mess with Steve by getting to know you," Sam finished, flashing a wide, charming grin at Bucky.

"You have a weird way of doing so," Bucky grumbled as he rang Sam and Rhodey up for their coffee.

"It'll be worth it when you see the look on Steve's face," Sam replied as he dumped a significant tip into the "Sasquatch" tip jar. "Which should be in less than 30 seconds."

"Huh?" Bucky repeated as Sam and Rhodey took their coffees and backed away from the counter.

As the two reached the door, it swung open with a tingle from the bell. In the doorway stood Steve, bundled up in an oversized army coat, scarf and beanie. Sam and Rhodey glanced between Steve and Bucky, grinning at both before running out the door. Steve watched their retreating forms with a confused expression before turning back to Bucky. Once he saw the look on Bucky's face, Steve groaned.

"Don't tell me they actually went through with it," Steve grumbled as he approached Bucky.

"You mean low-key harassing me?" Bucky asked. "Kind of, yeah."

"I am so sorry about that," Steve mumbled. "I told them that you had nice eyes and that you'd make a good art model and they decided that 'Stalk the barista' was the next best step. My friends are super weird, I really am sorry."

"You think I'd make a good art model?" Bucky asked, surprised.

"You're very aesthetically pleasing," Steve said as his ears reddened in embarrassment. "I'm an art major, I have a good eye for these things."

"Well thanks," Bucky said as he rubbed the back of his neck with his metal arm. He watched as Steve's eyes locked on his arm and suddenly Bucky felt very self-conscious. "So, Iced Americano or pumpkin?"

Bucky's question snapped Steve back to the present and Steve cleared his throat, "Iced Americano. For here."

Bucky nodded, taking Steve's money and giving him the change before turning to make Steve's drink. Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky could see Steve take a seat near the window and pull a sketch book and some pencils out of his bag. Steve placed the book on a table and began sketching, his brow furrowed in concentration. Bucky found himself thinking that that had to be one of the cutest things he had ever seen. Bucky quickly shook his head to clear it and finished Steve's drink; work was not the place to be thinking these thoughts. He made his way over to Steve's table and set the drink down on table top.

"One Iced Americano for one Steve Rogers," Bucky announced, grinning at the hipster.

Steve glanced up at Bucky and returned the grin. Bucky could feel his heart flutter slightly and his cheeks redden. Steve had one of the nicest smiles Bucky had ever seen and Bucky found himself praying that Steve was anything other than heterosexual.

"Thank you James," Steve said, reaching for the cup.

"Bucky," Bucky blurted out, surprising himself and Steve. He quickly cleared his throat, "My friends call me Bucky."

"Oh, alright then," Steve mumbled thoughtfully. "Bucky…. I like it. It suits you."

"Yeah, I think so too," Bucky responded, a bit dazed by his own words. "Um…. my shift ends in like, ten minutes. Mind if I join you and do homework with you?"

Steve seemed mildly surprised at Bucky's request, but after a moment he smiled and nodded at Bucky, "Yeah, of course. I'll clear some room for you."

"Sounds great, see you in a few," Bucky said with a nod.

With a grin, Bucky turned and made his way back to the counter. Maybe this Monday wouldn't be as weird as he thought it would be after all.


	3. Chicken Noodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve discuss their friendship and Bucky makes chicken noodle soup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I feel an apology is in order since it's been over two months since I've updated. My excuses are: I am a busy, busy senior with an 18 credit semester, NaNoWriMo consumed my life, I took down Hydra (You're welcome btw), and I was with family for Thanksgiving. I'll try to get a few more chapters out this week so we get caught up in time for Christmas, so look forward to that. As always, comments are appreciated, thank you for reading and subscribing!

Meet ups for homework at Odinson's became a daily thing for Bucky and Steve. Even if Bucky wasn't working, Bucky would bike over to the coffee shop to do homework with Steve. Occasionally they'd be joined by Natasha, Sam, Clint or any random combination of Steve's friend group. One afternoon Steve brought along Peggy and her cousin Sharon. Bucky thought they were nice, but got the distinct impression that they, like Natasha, could kill Bucky and no one would ever know. After that, Bucky had received a personal invitation to a weekend hangout by Peggy and Bucky felt comfortable enough to go. The highlight of the party had been a game of Cards Against Humanity with the green cards from Apples to Apples. Much to Bucky's surprise, Rhodey and Sam had tied.

The Society of Mechanical Engineers took it upon themselves to crash Bucky and Steve's study sessions every now and again as well. It usually started with Tony trying to be casual about loitering outside, checking his phone every few minutes before peering inside. Then Rhodey and Sam would show up, followed by other students that Bucky only vaguely knew from engineering classes. The group would then make their way inside and feign surprise at catching the pair at the coffee shop before setting up at tables next to Steve and Bucky. Bucky and Steve didn't really mind, but Bucky did notice the look that Steve gave Tony every time Tony asked Bucky oddly personal questions. Overall, Bucky didn't mind the others joining him and Steve, as he suddenly had more friends than he really knew what to do with. It was nice to have friends.

One afternoon two weeks after Steve and Bucky met, the pair were bent over their homework. Thor had been supplying the two of them with coffee for an hour and a half, joking that it would come out of Bucky's paycheck whenever Steve insisted on paying for the coffee. They worked in comfortable silence, which was only interrupted by small sniffles from Steve.

"Do you have allergies or something?" Bucky asked after a particularly loud sniffle. "Either you have allergies or you're trying not to cry. God, you're not crying are you?" Bucky questioned, looking up with a look of concern.

"No, I'm not crying and I don't have allergies," Steve mumbled as he dug through his bag for a pack of tissues. "Kind of getting sick. It's not a big deal."

"Are you alright?" Bucky asked him, leaning forward a bit to press the back of his hand to Steve's forehead.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Steve said, jerking back from Bucky's hand and waving his hand a bit. "I usually get sick during the fall. I'm used to it at this point."

"Well, make sure that you get plenty of sleep and drink lots of water and orange juice," Bucky advised before returning to his notes. "Also make sure you eat chicken noodle soup."

"Alright mom," Steve snarked.

"Listeeeeeeeeeen," Bucky whined, looking back up at Steve.

"What? I already have one Nurse-Mom, I don't need another one," Steve countered with a sniffle. "My bases are pretty well covered thanks."

Bucky ripped a sheet of paper out of his notebook, balled it up and tossed it at Steve's head with his nonmetal arm. The paper ball hit Steve square in the face causing the younger man to squeak in surprise as the ball bounced onto the table. Steve flushed a bit at the squeak and Bucky bit his lip to keep from laughing. He lowered his head to the table and shook with silent laughter.

"That was rude," Steve muttered with a glare.

"I'm just trying to be supportive you meatball," Bucky countered as he sat back up. "That’s what friends do."

"So we're friends now huh?" Steve asked with a grin.

Bucky froze in his seat. He had assumed that the two of them were friends considering they had hung out almost every day for two weeks. Did Steve not consider the two of them friends after all? Had Bucky completely misread that? Steve must have realized Bucky was second guessing himself, as Steve picked up the paper ball and threw it at Bucky. It bounced off the top of Bucky's head, snapping Bucky out of his thoughts.

"I'm joking Buck," Steve reassured Bucky. "Of course we're friends."

"You're a punk, you know that?" Bucky mumbled, his face turning pink.

"And you're a jerk," Steve shot back with a smile.

Bucky waved him off and the two got back to work.

***

Four days later, Bucky was starting to worry about Steve. The two were in separate majors, so they never actually ran into each other on campus, but Steve hadn't shown up to Odinson's in a few days. For the first two days, Bucky hadn't thought much of it. Steve said he was getting sick, so Bucky just assumed that he was taking it easy. However, when Natasha walked into their Russian Literature class looking more somber than usual, Bucky started to worry a bit. Bucky tried to look nonchalant while Natasha walked to her seat, but the moment she sat down next to him, Bucky turned to ask her about Steve.

"He's sick, don't worry about it," Natasha muttered before Bucky could say anything.

"I hadn't seen him for a few days," Bucky whispered back. "I'm starting to worry a bit."

Natasha sighed, running a hand through her hair, "What do you know about Steve's health problems?"

"Nothing," Bucky admitted. "We're friends, but I don't think we've reached that level of friendship."

Natasha nodded, but said nothing else as the professor walked in and began class. Bucky got the feeling that he wouldn't get any more out of Natasha and resolved to ask Tony and Sam about it during Fluid Mechanics later. While Tony wasn't much help, Sam agreed to talk to Bucky about it over coffee.

"So to start," Sam told Bucky over coffee after class. "Steve's fine. The worst part of the cold hit him two nights ago, so he's just sleeping and recovering at this point. He'll be okay.

"Steve's had some pretty bad health issues ever since he was a kid, including asthma and the fact that he has chronic colds, high blood pressure and heart palpitations," Sam explained.

"Gee, is that all?" Bucky muttered into his cup of coffee, his worry getting worse by the second.

"Not by a long shot," Sam deadpanned with a frown. Sam sighed and leaned forward, looking Bucky square in the eye, "Look, I know that you're concerned about Steve. Anyone would be worried with the list I just gave you. But here's the thing: Steve is not some delicate flower that needs to be sheltered. To say that he is would be an insult to who Steve is as a person and is kinda ableist. Steve is strong as hell in his own right and is not one to be coddled. Understand?"

Bucky stared as Sam for a minute before nodding slowly. Sam leaned back in his seat, giving Bucky a once over before continuing, "I know that the first instinct is to want to protect Steve. Believe me, we've been friends and we've been in a few open relationships over the last few years, I know what he's like. Right now, he'd like a friend, not another nurse. So if you want to send him a get well card or to give him something to distract him from this illness, then that's okay."

Bucky nodded slowly again, deep in thought. Sam relaxed a bit, uncrossing his arms and taking a sip from his coffee.

"I know, that lecture was probably a lot to take in," Sam said after Bucky was silent for five minutes.

"Would it be alright to bring Steve some homemade chicken noodle soup?" Bucky asked. "He's not allergic to any herbs is he?"

"Nah, he's good," Sam replied, setting his coffee cup on the table. "In fact, I think he'd appreciate that a lot."

***

Steve was feeling miserable, well less miserable than he felt earlier in the week, but still miserable nonetheless. He had been lying in bed for days just sniffling and coughing and he was ready to get back up and into the world. He was bored out of his mind and needed something to do. Sam had brought him some adult coloring books and a box of crayons, but Steve had gone through it in a day. He could do some reading, but there was nothing he urgently wanted to read. Steve was contemplating making a Tumblr account when there was a knock on his bedroom door.

"Yeah?" Steve called, hoping that it was someone other than Natasha, who had been acting as his nurse since his mother couldn't be there to do the job.

"It's Bucky," came the familiar voice from the other side of the door. "Sam and Natasha told me you were sick, so I brought you some soup and some comic books."

Steve immediately perked up; he hadn't heard from Bucky all week.

"Come in," Steve called, sitting up straight in bed and suddenly very self conscious about the fact that he hadn't changed out of his pajamas for five days.

Bucky slowly opened the door to Steve's room. It was pretty small, but Bucky guessed that Steve didn't need a big room. Along one wall were two different desks, a writing desk and a drawing desk. Next to those stood a medium sized bookcase. A closet stood at the back of the room and the walls were covered with posters of vintage artwork and advertisements; Bucky wasn't surprised to see a poster of Andy Warhol's cans of Campbell's soup. Steve's bed was tucked into the right hand corner and was under a window with a simple nightstand next to it. Steve was propped up by several pillows and Bucky had to remind himself to not treat Steve any differently.

"Hey Bucky, how's it going?" Steve asked. "Pull up a chair."

"It's going well," Bucky said as he grabbed the chair not covered in laundry and pulled it over to Steve's bed. "I just thought I'd drop by and see how you were doing. I missed you at the coffee shop."

"Yeah well, I've been here," Steve gestured to his room. "When I get sick, it hits me pretty hard for the first few days, but I'm used to it."

"Yeah, that's what Sam told me," Bucky said without elaborating further. "So, I brought some homemade chicken noodle soup. My Ma swears by the stuff."

Steve cracked a grin and took the saran wrap covered bowl from Bucky. He removed the wrapping and the room was instantly filled with the smell of warm soup. It was comforting to Steve and he looked up at Bucky with a warm look.

"You didn't have to do that you know," Steve said, setting the bowl on the nightstand.

"Yeah, I know," Bucky replied with a shrug. "But I wanted to."

Steve gave Bucky an odd look before gesturing at the pile of comics in Bucky's lap, "So, what'd you bring me to read?

***

Bucky ended up spending over two hours with Steve, just reading comic books in comfortable silence. Steve had eaten the soup and complimented Bucky for it, which Bucky tried to casually brush off, but failed as he blushed profusely. Steve had felt a warm, fluttering feeling in his stomach while looking at Bucky and his blush, but he couldn't place the feeling. Still, the pair had had a lovely afternoon and Steve was feeling a lot better by the time Bucky left. And if Bucky had a slight cold and take a few days off of work, he wasn't about to complain.


	4. Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, the Halloween chapter.... In December..... I am trash.....

"Are you doing anything on Halloween?" Steve asked out of the blue.

Steve had been better for a week at that point and Halloween was fast approaching. He and Bucky were sitting in a booth in one of the one campus dining halls, having realized that the two of them had similar lunch hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The question caught Bucky off guard a little bit; he hadn't given the holiday much thought, if he was honest. Bucky loved Halloween, it was one of his favorite holidays, but between work and school, he hadn't imagined that he'd be doing anything special.

"Not that I know of," Bucky said as he dipped a French fry in ketchup, "but I get the feeling I'm about to be."

Steve snorted a bit, balling up a piece of paper and chucking it at Bucky's head with a muttered jerk. Bucky grinned as the paper bounced off of his forehead; tossing paper at each other had become a gesture of affection between the pair.

"Well, since you're apparently a mind reader now," Steve began, "yes, I was about to invite you to do something on Saturday with me. Tony's hosting a party at his place and since he apparently can't get you to hang around after class for more than thirty seconds, he asked me to ask you if you'd like to go."

"Sure," Bucky replied casually. "What time and where?"

Steve quickly wrote down Tony's address on a napkin and passed it to Bucky. Bucky took the napkin and gave it a once over.

"You know," Bucky said after a moment, "nowadays most people send text messages with this sort of information instead of writing it down on a napkin, Old Man."

"Call me old fashioned," Steve replied, getting up from his seat and swinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"Minus the fashioned part," Bucky said with a sly grin.

"Watch yourself jerk," Steve retorted, the playful scowl on his face causing Bucky's stomach to feel all kinds of fluttery. "Also, it's a costume required sort of party. Better make it good."

"Yeah, of course I've got a good costume," Bucky replied with a wave. "It's gonna blow everyone else's out of the water."

***

As a matter of fact, Bucky did not have a Halloween costume and come Friday night, Bucky was having a crisis. There was no time for Bucky to buy a costume and while he had loads of black clothing in his closet, he could NOT pull off "Goth kid from your high school creative writing class" as a Halloween costume, not for a second time anyway. Bucky was at a complete loss and was worried that he was going to disappoint Steve if he didn't have the most perfect costume in existence. Bucky briefly contemplated canceling on Steve, but he knew that would disappoint his friend more than showing up in a lame costume would. With a groan, Bucky collapsed on his bed face first. He was screwed.

"What am I gonna do?" Bucky asked out loud to no one in particular.

At that moment, the universe decided that it was going to help Bucky for once, as his cell phone chimed. Bucky fished around in his pocket for his phone and pulled it out. He had a new message from Natasha. Bucky spun around on his bed and up into a sitting position before unlocking his phone.

_From Natasha R : Have you seen the new P!atD music video? B Urie's not my type but dang_

Bucky raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure how to respond to the message. He and Natasha had briefly discussed their sexualities during one hangout night in which he established he was bi and Natasha was pan, but that was about it. Bucky quickly typed a response and hit the send button before dropping his phone onto the bed.

_To Natasha R : No, I haven't. Also, you busy rn?_

Bucky's phone chimed again a few minutes later. He scooped it up and checked the message.

_From Natasha R : On my way over._

_To Natasha R : Need my address?_

_From Natasha R : Nah, I'm good_

Bucky raised an eyebrow, a little concerned that Natasha somehow knew where he lived. Maybe she was secretly friends with his roommates? Bucky stood and opened the door, poking his head out into the hallway.

"Hey Jessica?" Bucky called, trying to see if his roommates were home. "Luke?"

There was no response from anywhere in the apartment. Bucky resolved to ask the two about Natasha later. Instead, Bucky did a surface level clean up job of the apartment so Natasha would have a good first impression of Bucky's living space. About twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Bucky opened it and Natasha walked inside, giving the apartment a once over. The pair walked to Bucky's room in silence before Bucky spoke.

"So, how do you know where I live?" Bucky asked, trying to be nonchalant about the fact that the redhead just showed up out of nowhere.

"Not important," Natasha deadpanned. "So, what do you need my help with?"

"Umm…" Bucky mumbled, not sure where to begin. "Can you help me pick out a Halloween costume? I told Steve I'd go and that I'd have an awesome costume, but I have no idea what to do and the party's tomorrow night."

"Have you thought about being an astronaut?" Natasha asked as she plopped down on Bucky's bed.

"Yeah, I don't think there's enough time to find a good astronaut costume," Bucky sighed, joining the redhead on his bed. "Though that's a good one, I'll keep that in mind for next year."

"You could be an ass-tro-naut," Natasha suggested with a playful smirk. "You know, an astronaut wearing a pair of those fake butt shorts."

Bucky let out a loud snort and covered his face with his hands. Natasha's smirk turned into a full on grin and she flopped backwards.

"Okay, so not an ass-tro-naut," Natasha conceded. "Is there anything you could do with the clothes you have?"

"I ruled out goth kid already," Bucky said. "That's all I could do with my clothes."

"Spy?" Natasha asked.

"Nah, not cool enough," Bucky replied.

"Punk?"

"So my daily look?"

"Spongebob Squarepants?"

"I thought we were trying to find me a kickass costume," Bucky whined.

"You're no fun," Natasha whined back, mimicking Bucky's tone with eerie accuracy. "Why are you so fixated on having a kickass costume? Are you trying to impress someone?"

Bucky's face turned pink and he bit his lip. Natasha instantly sat up straight, her eyes narrowing a bit.

"Alright Barnes, spill," Natasha demanded.

"You can't laugh," Bucky grumbled.

"Cross my heart, now spill," Natasha prodded.

"I may be trying to impress a certain hipster that we're both friends with," Bucky mumbled as quickly as he could in the hope that Natasha wouldn't hear him.

Natasha stared at Bucky for a minute before asking incredulously, "Is that it?"

"What do you mean 'Is that it?'" Bucky snapped.

"I mean, is that all you're worried about? Christ, Barnes," Natasha groaned into her hands. "Look, I don't think it's going to be a problem. Whatever you wear, Steve's gonna like it."

"How do you know that?" Bucky asked.

"Never you mind," Natasha said a little too quickly. "I've got an idea for your costume, but it involves you watching the new Panic! at the Disco video."

Bucky groaned; it was going to be a long night.

***

"I feel ridiculous," Bucky groaned as he pulled his coat tighter around his body. It was far too cold for him to not be wearing a shirt. They were in New England God's sake.

"Relax, we'll be there soon," Natasha replied as they rounded the corner onto Tony's street. "Besides, you look great."

Bucky had to admit, his last minute costume turned out better than expected. Natasha had made him watch the new Panic! at the Disco no less than six times before he gave in and said Natasha could turn him into demon Brendon Urie for the night. Several hours and tubes of gray body paint later, Bucky had been transformed into a near spitting image of the lead singer. Bucky had an intricate latex piece on his chest, a pair of horns resting on his forehead and his hair had been slicked back. They only part of Bucky that hadn't been painted was his left arm, as paint would have messed with his prosthetic. Bucky had to admit though, the yellow contacts he was wearing were a bit weird and were messing with his peripherals.

The pair arrived at Tony's door and Natasha walked inside without bothering to knock. Bucky hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath and following her inside. The interior of the house was exactly what Bucky expected from Tony: sparse but luxurious. Bucky turned to Natasha and watched as she shed her coat and boots, revealing the four extra arms of her black widow spider costume. Bucky had just removed his jacket when a tipsy Tony walked toward the pair.

"Romanoff, very appropriate," Tony commented before he turned to squint at Bucky. Once he took in Bucky's costume, Tony jaw dropped. "Damn Barnes, nice. The eyes are a bit freaky, but nice. I had no idea what you were hiding under all those layers."

"Ease up there Tiger," Rhodey said, coming up behind Tony and dropping a kiss on the cheek. He glanced up at Bucky and gave him a nod of approval. "Nice detail. You do that yourself?"

"Not entirely," Bucky replied with a gesture towards Natasha.

"Very nice," Rhodey commented. "Well, make yourselves at home. There's food and booze."

"Playing host is my job," Bucky heard Tony mutter to Rhodey as the pair returned to the party.

Bucky gave the couple a small smile before following them and Natasha into the living room. There were loads of people Bucky knew, but for the most part, Bucky didn't know who was who. Tony was one of the most well known people on campus, so it made sense that a lot of people would be at his party. Bucky quickly lost Natasha, who told him that she had to go find someone. After the departure of the red head, Bucky made it his mission to track down Steve so that he would have someone to talk to. 

As it turned out, it was rather easy to find the hipster, who was hanging out with Sam near the kitchen. Steve was leaning against the wall, dressed in all black and a green lightsaber clutched in his right hand. Sam was dressed as Han Solo, a blaster hanging on his hip. Bucky allowed himself one dopey, adoring smile at the sight of Steve dressed as Luke Skywalker before he schooled his expression and made his way over to the pair.

"Hey Steve, hey Sam," Bucky said, one gray hand raised in greeting.

The pair turned and jumped a bit, shocked by Bucky's fairly drastic transformation. Steve seemed to have the more intense reaction, his face flushing a bit as he registered the fact that Bucky was shirtless. Bucky suddenly felt very self conscious and was mentally kicking himself for not bringing a shirt along.

"Dude, that is intense," Sam murmured with awe. "Do those contacts glow under black light or something? They are super unsettling. But, like, in a good way."

"I have no idea," Bucky admitted, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. "Natasha picked em out for me."

"It suits you," Sam commented. "I take it Natasha made you watch the new Panic! at the Disco music video?"

"Yeah, more than once," Bucky replied, still a little self conscious since Steve still hadn't said anything.

"She's been obsessing over it for like the last week," Sam explained. "She's slowly making everyone else obsess over it too. Isn't that right Steve?"

Steve realized a few seconds later that Sam had addressed him and he shook his head to clear it. "Yeah, she sure has," Steve mumbled, his face turning pink.

"Glad you could join us for the conversation," Sam muttered with a derisive snort.

Steve gave Sam a light glare, more embarrassed than angry at his friend's teasing. Bucky gave Steve a small grin and Steve blushed harder. Sam rolled his eyes and pushed himself off of the wall.

"I'm gonna go grab another drink," Sam announced, moving away from the pair and disappearing into the crowd.

Bucky and Steve stood in awkward silence for a bit before Steve cleared his throat, "You were right, your costume kicks all kinds of ass."

"You really think so?" Bucky asked, glad that the layers of gray makeup hid his own blush so well.

"Yeah, you totally look like you came straight out of the Emperor's New Clothes music video," Steve replied with a quick glance up at the horns on Bucky's forehead.

"Well, I can't take all of the credit," Bucky admitted. "Natasha was the one who convinced me to dress like this."

"Don't tell me that," Steve joked. "That makes me lose all respect I had for your costume."

"Like you're one to talk," Bucky snorted. "I have seen you wear that exact outfit before."

"Not with the lightsaber," Steve retorted, lifting the plastic weapon a bit and pressing the button to activate it.

"You're still dressed like your usual hipster self," Bucky said.

"Listen you," Steve grumbled.

Bucky laughed and patted Steve's shoulder, "Easy now, Young Skywalker. I like the duds. Luke Skywalker's a good costume for you."

Steve flashed Bucky a smile and Bucky felt his heart melt a little bit. Some small part of Bucky was nagging at him that he was actually flirting with Steve and for some odd reason, he was okay with that. The more time Bucky spent with Steve, the more he realized how gone he was. It was bad, Bucky was all Steve's and Bucky highly doubted Steve was aware of it. What Bucky wouldn't give to have Steve smile at him like that all the time and for Steve to be his. Bucky bit his lip and looked up from Steve's lips to see the other boy giving him an expectant look.

"Sorry, zoned out a bit there," Bucky apologized. "Did you say something?"

"I was just saying that it's a little loud in here and it's making it hard for these to work," Steve repeated, pointing to his cochlear implants. "Wanna head somewhere a little quieter?"

Bucky nodded and Steve flashed him another smile. Bucky felt his knees go weak and he swallowed; he was fucked. Steve started walking towards a darkened hallway and Bucky followed, his mind racing a mile a minute. Were they heading for some bedrooms? Were they going to make a move on each other? Oh God, was Bucky over thinking it? He probably was, he did that. Bucky was so consumed in his thoughts that he almost missed the room Steve walked into. Steve grabbed his arm and dragged Bucky inside.

"Sorry for grabbing you," Steve apologized, letting go of Bucky's arm and turning on a light. "You zoned out again."

"It's fine," Bucky said as he gave the room a once over. "Are we allowed to be in here?"

"It's another sitting room," Steve replied. "The only place people aren't allowed are Tony's lab and that's in the basement."

Bucky nodded and sat down on one of the chairs, watching Steve as he closed the door. Steve sat down next to him, a little closer than Bucky thought was necessary and it set his heart off again. Steve noticed the change in Bucky's demeanor and made to move away. Without thinking, Bucky's arm shot out and stopped Steve. Steve gave Bucky a mild look of concern, like he was asking permission to be that close. Bucky nodded once and Steve settled closer so that their legs were pressed together. Bucky moved his hand from Steve's arm to his shoulder and began to rub lightly, feeling the knots in the smaller boy's back. Steve relaxed, leaning into the touch. The two stayed like that for a long while, neither saying anything, just enjoying each others company. After what seemed like an eternity, Steve shifted to look at Bucky. Bucky looked down at Steve, gazing into the baby blue of Steve's eyes. There was something there, as if Steve was begging for Bucky to close the gap and to- Oh. Bucky flushed a bit and wet his lips; the signs were there. He licked his lips again and noticed the way Steve's eyes tracked the movement. Bucky slowly leaned forward and Steve mirrored the movement until they were inches apart.

"Is this okay?" Bucky whispered.

"Of cour-," Steve began when the door banged open, making the pair jump apart, wide-eyed and embarrassed at being caught moments away from kissing.

Standing in the doorway was Clint and his girlfriend Laura, the pair laughing as they threw their arms around each other. Laura looked up and noticed Steve and Bucky with a start. She placed a hand on Clint's chest to keep him from entering the room.

"Sorry boys," she apologized, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face. "We didn't know anyone was in here."

"It's okay," Steve mumbled, more embarrassed than Bucky had ever seen him before. "I was just… Excuse me."

With that, Steve bolted from the room, leaving Bucky sitting there dumbfounded. It took a moment for Steve's departure to register with Bucky, the weight of the situation hitting him like a dump truck. They had been about to… Steve was a fairly private person and someone walked in on an intimate moment and now Steve was… Bucky sprinted from the room, accidently slamming into Clint on the way. He called an apology over his shoulder as he raced back into Tony's living room, looking for Steve. He slowed to a halt once he reached the room, searching frantically for Steve, but it seemed like he was too late. The bottom of Bucky's stomach dropped and he felt like he was about to be sick. Steve was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, cliche ending is cliche. I'm sorry.
> 
> On the subject of the Panic! at the Disco music video, I am obsessed with that song. The music video was released about a week before Halloween and it started out with me being like "Ugh, I hate this, this is weird" and now I'm like "FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS". And naturally, if I'm pop punk trash, so are my faves. If you haven't listened to it, I recommend it. Also, watch the music video because Demon Brendon Urie is bae.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. See you next chapter!


	5. November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Halloween hits Bucky pretty hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, I am officially on my winter break! That means that I'll actually have time to post now! Like a lot! So, starting off this holiday season is my extremely late Thanksgiving chapter because I suck and finals are a thing. Once I'm back from work tomorrow I will start chapter 6 (AKA: The Christmas chapter) and I should have that one posted by Monday, maybe Tuesday at the latest. If I'm late, you all can tattoo the phrase "Habitual liar" on my forehead. Anyway, thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Bucky awoke the following morning in the same way when someone realizes they overslept their final, with grogginess followed by confusion and then overwhelming and crippling panic. Memories of the previous night hit Bucky like a dump truck and he groaned, covering his face with his hands. He didn't know why he thought that he and Steve could have a moment, he knew that the universe never let him have anything good in his life, so why the hell did he think he could make a move?

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Bucky wasn't quite sure, Bucky didn't have time to stress over what could have been. He had to be at Odinson's within the next hour. Bucky knew that he'd have to deal with the Steve thing eventually, but for now he could drown himself in work in order to forget. With another low groan, Bucky pulled himself out of bed. He was still covered in gray body paint, though he had enough foresight the previous evening to remove the horns, contacts and fangs. Bucky shuffled towards the bathroom and shut the door, glad that two of his roommates kept odd hours and that the other two were pre law students that mostly kept to their own. He turned the knob on the shower to get the water going before turning to look at his reflection. The gray paint hadn't smudged any and the hair gel had kept his hair slicked back. Bucky ran his flesh hand through the gelled mess and winced when the hair crackled softly under his fingers. With a sigh, Bucky turned away from the mirror, not looking forward to anything.

Forty five minutes later, Bucky was walking through the door of Odinson's. It had been colder than Bucky had expected it would be, so he had thrown on a heavier jacket and wrapped himself up in a long scarf that his aunt had made him a few years ago. He felt a bit overly bundled, but he figured it was better to overheat than freeze. Bucky walked back to the employee room, noting that Darcy was leaning against the counter, a bored expression on her face; they must not have had many people in for the morning rush then. Bucky gave her a brief wave and she instantly straightened up, her face lightening at the prospect of someone to talk to.

"Bucky, dude, thank God you're here," Darcy called. "It has been dead all day."

"That bad huh?" Bucky asked, his voice muffled by layers of scarf.

"Yeah," Darcy replied. "We've had, like, maybe five customers since we opened. On top of that, Loki and Thor are being pissy with each other, so I've had no one to talk to because they're too busy being at each other's throats. It's driving me nuts."

"Sorry to hear that," Bucky said as he began to unwind his scarf. "I'll be out in two minutes and you can tell me all about it."

Darcy nodded and Bucky walked into the employee room. Thor was nowhere to be seen, but Loki was sitting at the table scowling at his cup of coffee. Bucky slowly finished unwinding his scarf and folded it into his bag, eyeing his coworker wearily. Loki seemed to not notice Bucky and Bucky let out a silent sigh of relief. He had enough to deal with today; a pissy Loki was not something he wanted to add to his ever increasing list of things wrong with his morning. Bucky hung up his bag on one of the coat pegs and pulled his apron from the bag. He shrugged off his jacket and replaced it with the apron.

"Could you be any slower with that?" Loki snapped at Bucky out of nowhere, turning to face Bucky with a look that screamed murder.

Bucky started, the apron strings slipping from his fingers. After he took a few seconds to regain his composure, Bucky turned to glare at his coworker.

"I see you're the epitome of cheerful this morning," Bucky commented, trying to not lose his cool. "As per usual."

"Clever," Loki muttered. "Are you always this witty first thing in the morning?"

"Yeah, I am actually," Bucky deadpanned.

Loki scowled at Bucky and Bucky returned the glare halfheartedly. Bucky finished tying the apron and bent to retie his shoes. For a moment, Bucky was willing to believe that Loki was going to let him start his shift in peace, but he was mistaken.

"There is something off about you today," Loki commented, speaking slowly in a way that put Bucky on edge. "I seem to recall that Stark was having a party last night. Rough night?"

"Watch it Loki," Bucky warned from his place on the floor.

"Oh, touched a nerve have I?" Loki asked. "Tell me, did something happen between you and a certain blonde we both know?"

"Listen," Bucky snapped as he jolted to his feet, "what happens in my life is my business, not yours. You and I aren't even that close, so I can't imagine you actually care. You're just trying to push my buttons because you've had a shitty morning and I don't appreciate it. Just because you and Thor are having yet another brotherly spat, which you both should be used to by now, does not mean that you get to take it out on me. Got it?"

Loki's eyes narrowed and it dawned on Bucky that he had just yelled at the son of the owner. Bucky turned on his heel and fled from the room, not wanting to see or hear Loki's reaction. Thor had joined Darcy behind the counter and the two were staring at Bucky as he moved to join them. Bucky came to a stop near the espresso machine and Darcy let out a low whistle.

"Dude," she muttered, her eyes darting back and forth between Bucky and the break room.

"I know," Bucky sighed.

"I don't know of many people who would be brave enough to yell at my brother other than my father or myself," Thor commented. "Well, brave enough or dim enough."

"I'm not going to get fired, am I?" Bucky asked.

"I will see to it that you're not," Thor replied with a wave of his hand. "Besides, his bad mood is due to our argument, I'll tell father that you did it out of self preservation."

"Thanks Thor," Bucky mumbled, a small wave of relief filling his stomach.

"No worries my friend," Thor said as he clapped a hand onto Bucky's shoulder. "Though, may I ask what prompted you to shout at him?"

And like that, the relief was gone. Bucky bit his lip a bit before sighing, "I had a rough night last night and Loki wouldn't stop prodding me about it. That's all."

Thor gave Bucky a knowing look before releasing Bucky's shoulder. Bucky was glad that Thor didn't press the matter; it would have been a rough shift if he had resorted to screaming at both brothers. Thankfully, Darcy also kept her questions to herself and the shift ran smoothly. Things picked up once the hungover Halloween crowd finally reared their heads around noon. Bucky knew that coffee wasn't the best hangover remedy, but it attracted customers and customers meant not having to deal with emotions or Loki's bullshit. The rush lasted until the end of Bucky's shift, which Bucky was grateful for. He ducked into the break room, clocked out and removed the apron from around his neck. Once his apron was tucked into his bag, Bucky left the break room. He was fully prepared to leave the café and return to his apartment when a hand shot out and wrapped around his wrist. Bucky jolted to a stop before spinning around to confront whoever stopped him, only to come face to face with Natasha and Sam. Bucky blanched slightly, his mind going blank.

"James," Natasha began, her voice sounding a little… off, "why don't you join us for a bit? Thor said you weren't feeling your best today."

"I don't know," Bucky mumbled, not meeting the red head's eyes. "I was thinking I'd head home for today."

"I insist," Natasha said and Bucky knew there was no room for argument.

Bucky slid into the empty seat that the two must have pulled up at some point, his eyes fixed firmly on the ground. He felt like the pair was going to lecture him for what happened yesterday and he was so not in the mood.

"About last night," Sam began.

"It was a dumb move on my part and I shouldn't have tried anything," Bucky interrupted, his cheeks flushing. "I mean, I asked if he was okay with what I was going to do, but I was already in his face and I feel like an asshole, so please save the lecture, okay?"

Natasha and Sam exchanged uneasy glances. Bucky had the sudden feeling that either they didn’t know what he was talking about or that wasn't what they wanted to talk about. Bucky felt like slamming his head onto the table; Bucky "loud-mouth" Barnes at his finest.

"Well, interesting to know that you've over thought things," Natasha said after an uncomfortable minute. "But that's not really what we're here for."

"Oh," Bucky mumbled.

"So you tried to make a move on our boy Steve and he ran out on you because Clint has a poor sense of timing," Sam summarized.

"Yeah, that's about it," Bucky confirmed. "And I feel like an asshole."

"This is kind of on us," Natasha admitted.

"Wait, what?" Bucky asked, his eyes snapping up to look at Natasha.

"I should have been a bit more straightforward with you when we last talked," Sam continued. "Steve's… not in a great place right now. We were trying to push the two of you together because we thought that you'd be good for him, but Steve's not really ready for… anything right now."

"What…. do you mean?" Bucky asked slowly, leaning forward in his seat.

"Steve's gonna kill us for this," Sam murmured before continuing, "Steve's life kind of fell apart just before school. Steve's mom Sarah got real sick and Steve came real close to losing her. She's fine now," Sam reassured Bucky, as Bucky wasn't aware that his face had fallen at the news. "Anyway, Steve was seeing this guy at the time, can't remember his name, it was something douchy, and the asshole decided that he couldn't deal with Steve and everything Steve was dealing with, so he broke up with him in a pretty nasty way. Steve's still not completely over it."

"Okay, so a recap," Bucky began, "the two of you have been planning on pushing us together for a while now. I'm guessing that Natasha had me dress like a sexy demon in order to seduce Steve. And things went badly because Steve has baggage from a past asshole."

"Well, yeah," Natasha replied.

"You guys knew this and still tried to get us together?" Bucky asked.

"Like we said," Natasha mumbled, "we owe you a bit of an apology."

"Well now what?" Bucky sighed, leaning back in his seat.

"We think it's best if you and Steve take a bit of a break from each other," Natasha said before Sam interjected with a "No, you think". "The two of you have hung out pretty much every day this month, kind of at our insistence, kind of because Steve feels something for you. I think that it'd be best if you two kind of took a break."

"A break?" Bucky asked incredulously. "What, so that he can think I'm avoiding him because he ran off on me? That's a dumb as hell idea."

"Told you," Sam muttered to Natasha.

"Look, I think Steve and I need to at least talk about things ourselves," Bucky reasoned. "No offense to the two of you, you're his best friends, but this right here? This would be like my roommate Matt telling Thor not to date Jane. Or, ya know, something similar to that situation. Regardless, I think me avoiding Steve would make things worse. So thanks for the advice, but I'm gonna talk to my friend about things. You know, like an adult."

Sam gave Natasha a "Told you so" sort of look and the red head sighed in return. Bucky rose to his feet, not wanting to continue the conversation.

"Thanks for the advice," Bucky said to Natasha before turning to Sam, "and thank you for being honest with me. But I'm gonna handle it in my own way."

With that, Bucky turned on his heel and walked out of the café. He pulled his jacket and scarf on, formulating the conversation he would have with Steve in his head.

***

As the universe would have it, Bucky was forced into following Natasha's advice regardless of his wishes. The day that Bucky had talked to the pair, he had sent a message to Steve asking if he would meet up with Bucky. Steve agreed and the two set a time and place to talk things over. Life had other plans, as the pair had to mutually cancel due to labs going over their scheduled times and last paper deadlines. They rescheduled for a week later, hoping to try again. However, there was a crisis at Bucky's apartment the morning they were supposed to meet which took up most of the day, so they were unable to meet then as well. To make matters worse, Steve had stopped coming by Odinson's, so there was no chance for them to discuss things over homework. 

Finally, Thanksgiving break was upon them and Bucky figured that would have been his chance. The Friday afternoon before break, Bucky shot Steve a text message, asking if he was still around. Bucky was going to be working during the break and, as a result, was not going home. He secretly hoped that Steve would be doing something similar, but given his recovering mother, Bucky doubted Steve would still be in town.

**To Steve R <3:05pm>: _Hey, r u still around? Hoping to meet 4 coffee and chat_**

After about ten minutes, Steve replied.

**From Steve R <3:15pm>: _No, srry! Left this morning. Can I call u?_**

Bucky quickly typed out an affirmative before pausing, his finger hovering over the send button. What would he and Steve say to one another? Would it be easier to talk about things over the phone? Maybe he should say he's busy and leave it at that. Bucky was about to delete when a bang came from the living room. Bucky jumped at the noise, the motion causing his finger to twitch and send the message.

**To Steve R <3:17pm>: _Sure_**

Within moments, Bucky's ringtone started, filling the room with the calming notes of "Concerning Hobbits". Bucky briefly entertained the notion of not answering the phone, but realized that would make matters worse. He hit the answer button and held the phone up to his ear.

"Hey Steve, what's this I hear about you skipping town on me?" Bucky greeted, trying to stay lighthearted. There was a quiet chuckle on the other end and Bucky felt his heart melt.

"Sorry Bucky," Steve apologized. "It's a long drive back home, had to leave while I still had the light."

"I understand," Bucky replied. "So… um…."

"About Halloween?" Steve supplied after a minute of tense silence.

"Yeah," Bucky said, "that."

There was another minute of tense silence before they spoke at the same time, "I'm sorry for running off on you." "I'm sorry for trying to kiss you."

Steve and Bucky both paused for a moment before bursting out laughing.

"Sorry, sorry, you first," Steve insisted in between gasps for air.

"I just wanted to apologize for trying to kiss you on Halloween," Bucky said, finding it easier to say after a laugh. "I thought we were both feeling it, but I should have asked you sooner. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"It's fine Buck," Steve reassured him. "I mean, part of me really wanted it, but…" There was a sigh before Steve continued, "I like you Bucky. Like a lot. So much that it kind of worries me that maybe, just maybe, I fell for you too hard and too fast. I'm not sure if Sam or Nat told you, but I had a pretty bad experience with a breakup this summer and I'm not sure if I'm ready for anything right now."

"I understand completely," Bucky said around the tightness in his throat. "You should take care of yourself first."

"I'm sorry Bucky," Steve whispered. "I do like you a lot and if I was in a different mindset, I totally would have leapt at the opportunity."

"You don't need to apologize Steve, I get it." Bucky replied.

"Thank you for being so understanding Bucky," Steve said. "It means a lot to me."

"Can I say something?" Bucky asked, trying to figure out his next words.

"If it's something along the lines of "I'll wait for you", I'd appreciate it if you didn't," Steve said, anticipating Bucky's next words. "I can't ask you to wait for me to be ready to be in a relationship. That wouldn't be fair to you."

"Okay, I won't say that then," Bucky said. "But what I will say is that even if you and I don't become a thing, you don't have to shut me out. You can talk to me, you can platonically cuddle with me if you wanted. You don't have to deal with anything in your life alone. Because the truth is, I'm with you til the end of the line, pal."

The line went quiet for a minute and Bucky began to regret saying anything. The silence continued for a minute before a choked sob came through the other end. Bucky's eyes widened in alarm and he began to swear colorfully.

"Shit Steve, I am so sorry," Bucky apologized. "I didn't mean to make you cry, I am so sorry. I mean, it's okay for you to cry, you can do that, but fuck, I didn't mean for that to happen."

"Shut up Bucky," came Steve's choked up reply. "That was one of the nicest things anyone's said to me in a long time and it just made me a bit teary, that's all. I appreciate you being my friend Bucky. I really do."

"You're welcome Steve," Bucky said, trying to sound as sincere as possible.

"I gotta go, Ma's calling for me and I'm a mess," Steve murmured. "I'll call you again sometime over break, okay?"

"Got it," Bucky replied. "Have a good day Steve."

"Bye Bucky," Steve whispered and the line went dead.

With a sigh, Bucky laid back on his bed, mulling over the conversation in his head. He knew that Steve had told him not to promise to wait, but that didn't stop him from saying it in a roundabout sort of way. He meant it too. Bucky would be with Steve until the end of the line.

***  
Almost a week later, Bucky walked into his apartment to the smell of turkey and stuffing. Jessica and Luke probably had eaten already and left to deal with their jobs while Matt and Foggy had left for Foggy's parent's home last week. Bucky was alone with the leftovers. Bucky dropped his bag near the door and toed off his shoes. He went into the kitchen, grabbed a plate of leftovers and sat down on the couch to watch TV. Part way through the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special, his phone chimed. Bucky fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen: a text from Steve. Bucky unlocked the phone and looked at the message.

**From Steve R : _Happy Thanksgiving Bucky. Thank you for being such a great friend._**

Bucky grinned at the message and quickly sent one of his own back.

**To Steve R : _Happy Thanksgiving Steve. With u til the end of the line_**


	6. The Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the semester brings awkward questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays folks! I'm amazed, I actually stuck to my deadline this time. There are brief mentions of Star Wars: the Force Awakens in this chapter, but nothing spoiler-y. I will have the New Year's chapter up by New Year's. As always, thanks for reading!

As the last days of November turned into December and peppermint mocha replaced pumpkin spice, Bucky became aware that finals would soon be upon them and that he would be returning home within the next few weeks. Home was back in Brooklyn and, having no car of his own, he had to find a way to get back home. He could easily have asked his parents to drive up and get him, but at the same time, he didn't want to burden them with a long drive and having to find a hotel room to spend the night. His last final was on the 15th, which was a Tuesday, giving him plenty of time to pack and find a ride home. He'd just need to look at the rideshare page to see if there was anyone heading his way.

Things at Odinson's picked up significantly as finals week approached and Bucky found himself spending more time at the café than not. With finals and end of semester projects looming over both college and high school students, Odinson's became a safe haven for students to work, leaving the small café in need of help. Bucky took on more shifts than he usually did and Thor's girlfriend Jane was hired as part time help in addition to members of Thor's LARPing group, who Thor introduced as Lady Sif and the Warriors Three. Odin, Thor and Loki's father, implemented study hours for the café at the insistence of his wife Freyja, a professor of mythology at the college. For several hours during the afternoon, Odinson's would go silent, leaving only the sound of the coffee machines, typing and page turning. The quiet atmosphere soothed Bucky; he liked the study hours. The only disruption came from Tony, who would come to Odinson's to show off his in-progress blueprints for a project he'd be working on over break.

"I'm telling you Barnes," Tony said one day as he tried to wave the near completed blueprints in Bucky's face from across the counter, "this is going to be my best work yet."

"You know, you keep saying that, but you haven't actually told me what it is yet," Bucky replied without actually looking at Tony. "And keep your voice down, people are studying."

"Well I can't tell you what it is," Tony scoffed without acknowledging Bucky's admonishment. "It's a surprise."

"Either you lower your voice and tell me," Bucky threatened in a whisper as he turned to face Tony, "or you leave without your coffee refills."

Tony scowled and spread the blueprints out on the counter. Bucky leaned over and studied them, one eyebrow raised. The schematics for a replica of the orange and white droid from the new Star Wars film were printed on the paper and Tony had a childish grin on his face.

"So you're making BB-8?" Bucky asked. "You do know that you can buy those right?"

"What's the point in buying something when I can make it?" Tony scoffed, rolling up the blueprints. "Besides, those ones are controlled by your phone. This one won't be."

"Good luck with that," was Bucky's reply as he shooed Tony away to deal with the line that had formed behind the excitable engineering major.

As finals rapidly approached, Bucky continued to not see Steve. They still texted, but between Bucky's work schedule and Steve's art deadlines, they didn't have much time to see each other. Occasionally Steve would show up for a cup of coffee, but he never stayed for very long. Part of Bucky lamented the fact that they never saw each other, but another part of Bucky rationalized that they would see each other more next semester. Bucky would make sure of that.

One afternoon, Bucky strolled into Odinson's about ten minutes before the start of his shift. As he made his way to the break room and shed his coat, someone stepped into his path and stopped him dead in his tracks. Standing before him was one of the teens that had become a regular at the shop, Billy, Bucky thought his name was. Billy was a good kid who usually came in with a tall, muscular blond kid who Bucky assumed was Billy's boyfriend. Billy was shifting slightly from foot to foot, looking a little embarrassed that he had cut Bucky off like he did. He had a folded up piece of paper in his hand

Bucky did his best to give the teen a reassuring smile and said, "Hey, Billy, right? What's up?"

"Uh, some hipster looking kid asked me to give this to you," Billy said, handing a piece of paper to Bucky. "He told me to tell you to read that and then text him or call. He also said sorry for not sticking around, but he had to go work on a project."

"Steve," Bucky murmured to himself as he looked down at the piece of paper. He forced himself to look back up at Billy and gave the teen another smile, "Thanks for hanging onto this Billy. If you want anything else for you and your boyfriend, it's on the house."

Billy flashed Bucky a wide grin before turning around and rejoining his boyfriend at a table by the window. Bucky smiled as the pair laced their fingers together then continued on his way towards the break room. Once inside, he unfolded Steve's letter and sat down at the table.

_Bucky,_

_Sorry for not being here in person to talk to you about this, but I had to run and I had no idea if you were working today or not. I hope Billy and Teddy were around to give this to you, or at the very least, gave it to one of your coworkers._

Teddy, that's what the blonde's name was. Bucky made a mental note to thank Teddy was well before returning to the note.

_I remember a while ago you mentioned that your parents lived in Brooklyn. My mom and I also live in Brooklyn. If you don't have a ride back down, I'm planning on leaving Friday morning around 8am. I could swing by your place and pick you up and we can drive down together. Shoot me a text and we'll talk details._

_Have fun at work!_

_S.G.R._

Bucky smiled and set an alarm on his phone to call Steve back after his shift. Once that was done, he donned his apron and left to make free drinks for Billy and Teddy.

***

Steve picked up after the third ring when Bucky called him later that evening, "Hello?"

"Hey Steve," Bucky greeted, flopping down on his bed. "So what's this I hear about ride offers?"

"Getting right to the point, aren't you?" Steve grumbled. "Well, jerk, since you're so insistent, I have a free spot in my car. If you don't have any finals on Friday, I can give you a lift back to Brooklyn."

"Well, punk, my last final is on Tuesday, so I may just take you up on that ride offer," Bucky replied. "And if you're not too busy, there's a day before showing of Force Awakens on Thursday. So maybe you'll let me buy you a ticket as repayment for a ride down."

"Oh gee whiz Bucky, a movie ticket? That is so generous of you!" Steve mock gasped, his voice laced with sarcasm. "That totally makes up for a tank of gas!"

"Hey, given how much movie tickets cost these days, it pretty much does," Bucky snarked back. "And who the hell says 'gee whiz' these days?"

"Uh, I do," Steve replied.

"You are such an old man," Bucky snorted, eliciting a snort from Steve as well. "Anyways, Star Wars. Thursday, 8pm. You in or what?" 

"Is that even a question?" Steve asked in response. "Of course I am."

"Awesome, we'll meet at the theater at 7:30," Bucky said.

"Of course, see you then," Steve confirmed before hanging up the phone, leaving Bucky to grab his laptop and preorder the tickets.

***

Finals came and went, as did the Star Wars premiere and soon, it was 7:45 on Friday morning and Bucky was sitting in the living room with his bags ready to go. He had left a pile of presents on the table for his roommates along with rent and utilities checks. His electronics that weren't coming home were unplugged and everything else was stored in his bags. His leg bounced in anticipation as he waited for Steve to text him. At about 7:55, his phone chimed. Bucky checked the lock screen to see it was from Steve. With a grin, he unlocked it and read the message.

**From Steve R : _Waiting for u dwnstrs w/ a surprise :)_**

Bucky grinned and grabbed his bags and keys. With one last look around the apartment, Bucky walked out the door, closing it behind him. Bucky made his way downstairs and out the front door. Steve was parked along the curb sitting in an old sedan. Bucky grinned and waved before making his way over to the car. He popped open the trunk, throwing his stuff inside before closing it and joining Steve in the car.

"Good morning," Bucky greeted as he slid into the car.

“What do you mean 'Good morning'? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?” Steve questioned, flashing Bucky a shit eating grin.

"Alright Gandalf," Bucky snorted, playfully shoving Steve a bit.

Steve laughed and turned the key in the ignition. The car spluttered to life and Steve put the car into drive. They pulled away from the curb and began their journey down to Brooklyn.

"So what's the surprise?" Bucky asked, looking around the car.

"Picked you up something from Odinson's," Steve told him, his eyes never leaving the road. "One of the cups should have your name on it."

Bucky spun the two cups until he found his name on one. He picked up the warm cup, took a tentative sip and groaned with joy, it was a peppermint mocha. Bucky took another appreciative sip and held the warm cup between his two hands.

"That good huh?" Steve asked, glancing at Bucky from the corner of his eye.

"Thor always makes the best peppermint mochas," Bucky replied.

Steve hummed in agreement and the two lapsed into a comfortable silence.

***

The two spent the first half an hour making small talk about classes and grades before turning to the much more serious conversation of Star Wars theories. This conversation ate up most of the next two and a half hours. Before the pair knew it, they were a little over half way home. The pair pulled up to a small town diner in the middle of nowhere for lunch and were on the road again after about an hour. There was minimal snow, so travel was easy. However, conversation was not. At about the five hour mark, Steve dropped a bit of a bombshell on Bucky.

"Can I ask a personal question?" Steve asked, glancing at Bucky.

A sense of dread filled Bucky, the cold grip of anxiety on his heart making him tense. "What's up?" Bucky asked. Steve went quiet for a minute; Bucky figured Steve was trying to figure out how to best phrase his question so Bucky said, "Come on pal, spit it out."

"Can I ask how you lost your arm?" Steve asked, blushing heavily at his bluntness. "I know you've never mentioned it before and I wasn't sure it'd be okay to ask, but I've just been a little curious."

Bucky felt his throat constrict. He never talked about his arm for a reason. It had only been a few years ago, the memory was still too fresh. Bucky swallowed thickly and looked out the window.

"I'd rather not talk about it, if that's alright with you," Bucky said haltingly.

Steve picked up on Bucky's shift in mood and glanced over to Bucky, "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I was just curious."

"It's fine," Bucky muttered, "please just let it go."

"Seriously, I didn't mean to overstep my-," Steve tried to continue.

"Drop it," Bucky snapped, whipping his head around to glare at Steve.

Steve instantly shrank back in his seat and Bucky felt a wave of guilt crash over him. Bucky bit his lip and turned back to face the window, not wanting to look at Steve. Steve turned his head to stare at the road and the two fell into a tense, uncomfortable silence. After the silence had stretched on for ten minutes, Bucky decided to ask an uncomfortable question of his own.

"So what's his name?" Bucky asked without really realizing what he was saying.

"What?" Steve asked in turn, one eyebrow raised.

"The asshole from the summer," Bucky clarified. "Is there a name I can put to my mental image of the epitome of douche?"

"Okay, this isn't a conversation we're going to have right now," Steve muttered tersely.

"How come?" Bucky pressed. "You wanted to know about the arm, I wanna know about the asshole."

"Yeah, and you shut me down," Steve pointed out. "I'm not ready to talk about it in detail, so don't ask."

"Oh come on," Bucky snorted, but Steve interrupted him.

"I realize that it's not okay for me to ask you questions about things that make you uncomfortable and press you about it, so please kindly return the favor," Steve yelled, turning to glare at Bucky.

Bucky sat back in shock, not having expected Steve to be that aggressive. Bucky quickly turned his head back towards the window, embarrassed. Steve let out a small sigh and the uncomfortable silence returned. They were about an hour and a half away from Brooklyn by the time either of them spoke again.

"I'm sorry," Bucky whispered after the silence became too much. "I shouldn't have pressed, it's none of my business."

Steve exhaled through his nose and turned his head to look at Bucky. "I'm sorry as well," he said. "I shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. It's obvious that whatever happened is still too recent and I shouldn't have said anything."

"You and me both. We both asked the wrong questions. We're just a couple of Grade-A assholes, huh?" Bucky asked with a weak grin.

Steve chuckled, "That we are Bucky, that we are."

***

As it turned out, Steve and Bucky only lived a few streets away from each other. On top of that Bucky's mom Winifred and Steve's mom Sarah worked in the same ward at the hospital when Sarah was able to work and were close friends themselves. At Sarah's insistence, Steve invited Bucky and his entire family over for dinner on the 23rd. Bucky and the rest of the Barnes family happily agreed, and on the 23rd, the Rogers and the Barnes families were crowded into Sarah's small, yet cozy apartment. Dinner was delicious, consisting of an oven-roasted ham with mashed potatoes, green beans and rolls. Bucky and Steve sat across from each other during dinner and made faces at each other for most of it, until their mothers admonished them for being silly at the table and that they were not five so please stop.

After dinner, Steve and Bucky sat in Steve's room on his bed. Much like his room at college, the walls were covered in posters and there were two separate desks for art and for other work. The two were relaxing off their respective food comas and trying to convince the other that yes, the Christmas present in their hands were necessary and for crying out loud open it already.

Bucky sighed, "Look, we'll open them at the same time. How's that?"

"Sure, fine," Steve said and he and Bucky swapped gifts.

The pair looked at each other briefly before tearing into the wrapping paper. Within seconds, the pair had their gifts.

"Bucky," Steve whispered as he stared at the package of painting supplies. "This is amazing, thank you so much!"

"I should say the same to you," Bucky murmured as he stared at a portrait of himself. The picture was a charcoal drawing of Bucky behind the counter at Odinson's and was in a dark frame. Someone must have said something funny to him, because his head was thrown back in laughter, his eyes closed and mouth open. The picture was so lifelike that Bucky could hear the sound of his own laughter in his head.

"Steve, this is gorgeous," Bucky stated in awe, "when did you do this?"

"This happened back in October," Steve explained. "Thor had just told a bad joke and you lost it. I took your picture on my phone and used it as a reference. This was actually part of my portfolio this semester and I had to fight the teacher to get it back."

"Steve, this is amazing," Bucky repeated as he surged forward to hug Steve. "Thank you so much. I love it. Best Christmas present ever."

"I'm glad you like it," Steve whispered, his cheeks pink.

When Bucky went to bed that night, the picture may have been placed on the nightstand so Bucky could see it when he woke the next morning.


	7. New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve spend New Year's Eve together and discuss things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years! I hope you're all having a wonder New Year's Eve. Please be safe tonight, don't drink and drive (if you are of that persuasion). This one's a little shorter than the others have been, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I might take a bit break from this story for a bit, just so I can get some of my other projects done, but I will update within the month. As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Trigger warning for this chapter, there is mention of death due to drunk driving.

Christmas came and went and before anyone realized, it was New Year's Eve. In an attempt to further cultivate the relationship between the Barnes and the Rogers, the families decided to host a small get together on New Year's Eve. There was a small tizzy between Sarah and Winifred over where the party would be held, but Winifred ultimately won. Winifred had pointed out that Sarah hosted the Christmas party, the least Winifred could do was host the New Year's Party and "It would just be our two families and we'll make it as safe of an environment as we can for you, don't you worry". That was how Bucky found him and Steve alone in his room, having escaped the parents within half an hour. They had barely dodged having to bring Becca along with them, as Becca was surprisingly obsessed with Sarah and wanted to know all about how Sarah became a nurse, as she wanted to become a nurse when she was older too. Free from having to interact with the adults, the pair made their way into Bucky's room, where they spent the evening watching YouTube videos.

"Seriously, what is with this guy?" Steve asked after the fourth watch through of one of Bucky's favorite Russian pop videos. "Why is he dressed like that? Why is his smile so unsettling. Why does he do that thing with his wrists? Why is everyone waving sparklers around like that inside? Why are those guys dressed in wrapping paper? Bucky, why did you make me watch that four times in a row? Bucky, I need answers."

"Okay, just for that you get to watch it again," Bucky replied, hitting the play button again.

"Why," Steve groaned as he flopped back onto the bed.

"Because it's Vitas and he is amazing and this song is amazing," Bucky explained. "Now shush."

They continued on like this for a while, each one subjecting the other to the odder parts of their music tastes. They eventually settled on the Hamilton Soundtrack, as both had an affinity for history and musicals. They remained like that for several hours, just lying side by side on Bucky's bed as the clock ticked along. It was nice, Bucky mused. They were pressed together on Bucky's bed and it was comfortable. Neither were shying away from the other and neither had spoken for a while, but it was nice. Bucky was content. Bucky was actually on the verge of falling asleep when Steve finally broke the silence.

"Aleksander," Steve muttered, his voice barely loud enough for Bucky to hear.

"Sorry?" Bucky asked, turning his head towards Steve.

"You asked me what his name was a few days ago," Steve murmured, not looking at Bucky. "My ex. His name is Aleksander. I don't know if you know him, he's a Russian major. I mean, that part's not important."

"Steve," Bucky began, "you don't, ya know, talk about this if you don't want to."

"No," Steve said firmly, his eyes never leaving the ceiling. "No, it's time for me to talk about this." Steve let out a shaky breath before continuing, "My sophomore year, I worked in the Russian department as a work study. We'd see each other around and after a month or so we started getting coffee and going to movies and stuff. He liked to show me foreign films and I liked to show him stuff about art history. Around Valentine's Day, we made it official. We were happy and we were…"

Steve went quiet and Bucky waited patiently for him to continue. Bucky knew how hard it was to talk about that sort of thing. Steve removed his glasses and gave them a quick cleaning before going still again. After five minutes, Steve continued, "Things were good for a long while, until my mom got sick in early April. She caught Tuberculosis while she was working. It started off as a latent case, but then it developed into an active infection. It was weird, because only five to ten percent of people in the United States test positive and only one in ten cases of latent infection become active, but it did. I was supposed to spend the summer upstate, with Aleksander, but once I heard my mom was getting sicker, I came back. Over the summer, I watched my mom get sicker and sicker and there wasn't much I could do." 

I tried to turn to Aleksander for comfort, but he became more and more distant. Any time I tried to keep him updated, he'd shut down on me. Mid July, he finally told me that he couldn't handle all of my issues, as he put it, and that my problems were dragging him down. He cut off all communication with me and was gone. I was devastated, but I couldn't let it get to me not then, not when my mom needed me to be strong. So I internalized it, soldiered on, that sort of thing. My mom got better just before I came back to school, but I still had to deal with the fact I might see him at school. I quit my work study job with the Russian department and started working in the library instead. I never see him around campus, but still. It eats me alive. It shouldn't, but it does."

"Steve," Bucky murmured, "I don't know what to say."

"You don’t need to say anything," Steve replied. "I mean, you could give me a hug. I wouldn't object to that."

Bucky turned and pulled Steve to him, pressing him tight against his chest. Steve was shaking slightly, so Bucky ran his hand through Steve's hair, minding Steve's hearing aids. Steve nuzzled his head under Bucky's chin and Bucky gave him a squeeze.

"Thank you for telling me all of that," Bucky whispered into Steve's hair. "And Steve, I know that you and I are both aware of this, but you should know, if anything like that happens again you don't have to soldier on alone. You have me, you have Sam and Natasha and everyone back at school. You don't have to do the whole 'Saint Steve the Martyr' thing. We're here for you pal."

Steve's shaking intensified and Bucky could hear the choked back sobs. He pulled Steve closer and ran a hand up and down Steve's back, letting Steve cry. Steve eventually stopped and they lapsed back into a silence that was only interrupted by Steve's hiccups. They relaxed back onto the bed, with Steve's head on Bucky's chest and Bucky's arm around Steve's shoulders.

"My turn," Bucky murmured.

"You don't have to," Steve choked out, pulling back a bit to look up at Bucky.

"I know," was all Bucky said before he continued. "My senior year of high school, my friends and I went to a party. It was the end of the year, we were all graduating and going off to college, we were all young and stupid. You know, the exact situation that they warn you about when they mention the dangers of graduation week. Well, we all drunkenly piled into a car and were driving around town." 

Bucky paused and took a deep, shaky breath, "I was in the back behind the driver with my arm hanging out the window. We were too busy arguing about radio stations to notice that the light had changed."

Bucky paused again, tears in his eyes. Steve mercifully wasn't prompting him to continue and Bucky took a few minutes to gather his thoughts. He hadn't talked about this in a long time. At long last, he spoke again, "The truck slammed into the driver's side, trapping my arm between its grill and my car door. I blacked out instantly. When I woke up in the hospital, I was in so much pain that I blacked out again. I finally woke up again a few days later with no left arm. The other two passengers were in critical condition. The driver didn't make it. It was all over the news, I don't know if you saw any of it. It attracted enough attention that some big name bioengineering company decided they wanted to help me out. They approached my parents and I about the possibility of me being a test subject for a new line of bionic arms. It'd be completely free of charge, I just had to send in data on the arm every month. Naturally, we agreed and, well, here we are."

"Bucky, I am so sorry," Steve whispered as he gave Bucky a hug. "I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like for you."

Bucky let out a sigh and wiped the back of his hand across his eyes, "It's been a few years since I've talked about it. And to be honest, it was time to talk about it. I've been holding onto it for so long that… It was nice to just tell someone about it without the clinical feeling of therapy. I really appreciate it Steve."

"You're my best friend Bucky," Steve replied. "Of course I'm here for you."

Bucky's eyes stung as the tears began to fall in earnest. He sat up, dragging Steve with him and pulled his friend into a tight hug which Steve gladly returned. The evening would later be described as cathartic for the both of them, but in that moment, they clung to each other. Peace and relief would come later, for now, they just needed comfort. The two remained in each other's arms for the rest of the night, long past the countdown to the New Year, long past they had both fallen asleep still clinging to each other, long past Sarah's departure and the reassurance that Steve could absolutely spend the night. They had each other, and that meant safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on Vitas: He's become something of a meme in my apartment. The song referenced in this fic is his song The 7th Element, which has a fairly interesting music video to go along with it. I recommend looking it up.


	8. Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky return to school and they mourn the loss of David Bowie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers, we are back! Did you miss me? I missed you all. As a special Valentine's Day surprise, I have not one, but TWO chapters for you all today! Chapter nine will be posted within the next few hours, so look forward to that.
> 
> This chapter is a bit self indulgent in regards to David Bowie. The news that he had passed hit me pretty hard and it's taken me this long to be okay with listening to him and I wanted to have some sort of tribute in my works, so here we are.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated. Thank you so much for your endless patience and love for this story. Enjoy!

A week after their all-night cuddle fest, Bucky and Steve had packed into Steve's car and had driven upstate. School didn't start for another week, but the pair were anxious to get back to their small college town. Both of their parents had loaded the pair up with snacks and Steve and Bucky had picked out what they deemed a "suitably epic" playlist for the long drive. The trip upstate was easier than the drive to Brooklyn had been. They sang along with their playlist, a combination of the indie and punk stuff Bucky liked with the jazz and big band music that Steve liked and the pop punk trash that they both unabashedly loved, and Bucky tried his luck with tossing food into Steve's mouth, which earned him a stern look and a "Knock it off, asshole" more than once. The two made it back upstate in record time and Steve dropped Bucky off at his apartment with the promise that they'd hang out the following day. Bucky had stood on the curb, one hand raised in a farewell gesture, long after the taillights of Steve's car had vanished.

Bucky had fully expected things to be awkward between the pair, given that Bucky had woken up alone in his bed on New Year's Day. However, much to Bucky's surprise, Steve had returned later in the day and visited Bucky every day until their departure from Brooklyn. Steve had even seemed, well, happier in Bucky's opinion ever since he had opened up to Bucky about his ex. Steve definitely seemed more touchy-feely, not that Bucky was about to complain. 

The first Tuesday of the new semester found Bucky back behind the counter of Odinson's. Thor had been the most excited to see Bucky, pulling him into a crushing embrace the moment Bucky walked into the break room. Service was slow for the most part, but the day didn't drag like Bucky had expected it to. Steve came in with five minutes left in Bucky's shift looking like he was on the verge of tears. Bucky had been expecting Steve to show up, but Bucky certainly wasn't expecting Steve to come in looking like he had failed three years worth of classes.

"David Bowie died," Steve murmured before Bucky had the chance to ask what was wrong.

"WHAT?!" Jane and Darcy screeched in unison, whipping around to gape at Steve.

"I know! That was my reaction!" Steve replied.

"Coffee's on us today dude," Darcy said, nudging a frozen Bucky out of the way. "This is a day of mourning effectively immediately.

"I'm not sure we can do that Darce," Jane muttered.

"Okay, but it's Steve," Darcy countered. "He's one of our best customers, he can get a free coffee on this tragic day. Bucky, you can go clock out now, we got this."  
Bucky nodded slowly and made his way back to the break room. His movements were slow and mechanical as he removed his apron and shoved it into his bag. As cliché as it sounded, David Bowie had been very important to Bucky and it was a bit of a blow to hear that the rock icon had passed. Bucky took a few moments to collect his thoughts before pushing his way through the door back into the coffee shop. Bucky did a quick scan around the shop and found Steve by the door at a table with Clint. The two were rapidly signing at each other and seemed intently focused on their conversation. Bucky made his way over to the pair, pausing to grab the coffee cup that Darcy was shoving across the counter at him. As he approached, Clint's eyes passed back and forth from Bucky to Steve and he signed something at Steve, eyebrows wagging suggestively. Steve signed something in return; Bucky figured it must have been offensive because Clint put his hand against his chest and let out a offended, albeit mocking, gasp.

"What'd I miss?" Bucky asked, pulling up a chair.

"Oh nothing," Steve said before Clint could say anything, adjusting the volume on his hearing aid idly.

Clint snorted, taking a sip of his coffee and Bucky raised an eyebrow at the pair. Steve pointedly avoided looking at either of them, choosing instead to stare at his coffee cup. Bucky took a sip from his coffee and cleared his throat, "Shame to hear about David Bowie. I'm pretty upset to hear about that."

"Same," Steve replied, swirling his coffee a bit. "He was the cause of my bisexual awakening."

"No kidding?" Bucky asked. "Me too."

"Labyrinth?" Steve questioned.

"Labyrinth," Bucky and Clint affirmed at the same time.

Steve let out a small chuckle at this and Bucky felt his heart melt a little. "Favorite David Bowie song on three," Bucky said, leaning forward a bit. "One, two, three."  
Bucky said "Life on Mars?" at the same time that Steve said "Heroes" and Clint said "Let's Dance". The three immediately launched into a conversation about their favorite things about David Bowie, a conversation that lasted for an hour before Clint got up to leave, citing archery practice as the reason he couldn't stay. Bucky and Steve waved him off and found themselves alone in the café, with only Jane and Darcy behind the counter to keep them coffee. Darcy gave Bucky a wink and a thumbs up before Jane shooed her to the back to get more cups. Bucky bit his lip before turning back to Steve. He had an idea, but wasn't one hundred percent sure that Steve would be okay with things given the news of today, but hey, it was worth a shot right?

"So, I was thinking," Bucky began.

"Dangerous," Steve replied without missing a beat.

Bucky balled up a napkin and tossed it at Steve before continuing, "I have several David Bowie albums on vinyl at my place. Wanna come over and listen to them with me?"

"Like, right now?" Steve asked.

"I guess, yeah," Bucky said. "I mean, unless you have plans tonight or something."

Steve grinned at Bucky and nodded, "I've got no plans tonight. Let's go."

Bucky grinned at Steve and downed the last of his coffee. He took their cups over to the dish bin and Darcy gave Bucky a thumbs up. Bucky waved her off and made his way back over to Steve, who was bundling himself up in several layers against the subzero temperatures of upstate New York. Bucky quickly did the same and the two made their way out into the freezing cold. Bucky was glad that Steve had the foresight to bring his car so they wouldn't be forced to walk back to Bucky's apartment. On the way, Steve explained that his asthma would have been set off by the cold and Bucky explained how his arm sometimes stopped working if it was too cold. The two commiserated about the effects the weather had on their bodies until they got to Bucky's apartment, at which point they sprinted to the door once Steve turned his car off. Once inside, the two quickly shed their layers, as Bucky's roommate Jessica had the heat blasting and the two began to sweat.

"Christ Jones, is it really necessary to have the heat up this high?" Bucky asked as he hung up his coat.

"That's what I said," came Luke's voice from the kitchen.

"Listen asshole, I pay for the heat in this apartment," Jessica snapped, looking up from the papers she had strewn across the coffee table. "If I want the heat up, the heat goes up."

Bucky held up his hands in a placating manner before gesturing to Steve, "Jessica, this is Steve. Steve, this is my roommate Jessica. She and her boyfriend Luke adopt stray college students and let them live in their apartment."

"Nice to meet you Jessica," Steve said, nodding at the dark haired woman.

"Likewise, Walking Hipster Stereotype," Jessica replied, her tone softer, before returning to her paperwork.

Luke poked his head out of the kitchen and gave Steve a wave, "Luke Cage, nice to meet you."

Steve walked over to the kitchen to strike up a conversation with Luke, leaving Bucky and Jessica alone.

"Murdock and Nelson are out right now, it's just us here," Jessica informed Bucky. "But my rule about loud sex still stands."

"I… I mean… We're not… No, we're just…." Bucky stammered, his face going red. Bucky took a second to compose himself before replying, "We're just going to listen to some music. That's it. Nothing else. We're not… No."

Jessica looked up from her work and raised an eyebrow at Bucky, "Uh huh. Whatever you kids are calling it these days. Just keep it quiet, yeah?"

"Yes ma'am," Bucky replied, turning on his heel and walking into the kitchen before he could embarrass himself in front of his roommate more. Steve and Luke were laughing about something when Bucky walked into the kitchen, Bucky wasn't quite sure what. Luke clapped Steve on the shoulder and grinned at the small blond.

"Man, I can't believe you got in Professor Pierce's face like that," Luke said. "Glad to know that someone's following in my footsteps. The dude deserves it. Luke looked up and noticed that Bucky was standing there before continuing, "Barnes, he's got the Luke Cage seal of approval."

"Good to know," Bucky replied, relieved that his roommates seemed to like his crush. "Ready to listen to some vinyl Steve?"

"And people call me a walking hipster stereotype," Steve muttered to Luke. "It was nice to finally meet you. Bucky's told me all about you guys."

"Likewise Steve, glad to finally put a face to a name," Luke replied, shaking Steve's hand. "Drop by again and maybe you can meet Matt and Foggy."

Steve nodded and followed Bucky out of the kitchen to Bucky's room. Steve quickly made himself at home on Bucky's bed while Bucky set up his record player and speakers.

"Do you have an album preference?" Bucky asked. "I have like half of his discography."

"How about we start with Let's Dance," Steve suggested. "You know, something upbeat."

"As you wish," Bucky replied, placing the record on the player and starting it.

***

Three hours later, the pair were two songs into the "Heroes" album. They had been discussing Bowie's Berlin Trilogy when the song switched to the titular track.

"I love this song!" Steve shouted, jumping to his feet.

"You love every David Bowie song," Bucky replied, getting to his feet as well.

"No, but this one especially," Steve clarified. "The title has sneer quotes. Like, the people in the song think that what they're doing is heroic, but the quotation marks imply that David Bowie would have picked a different word."

"You nerd," Bucky snorted.

Steve ignored Bucky in favor of turning up the volume and singing along under his breath, "I, I will be king. And you, you will be queen."

"Though nothing, will drive them away, we can beat them, just for one day," Bucky chimed in.

Steve looked at Bucky and sang, "We can be heroes, just for one day."

Bucky's face flushed a bit and he bit his lip. His feelings for Steve were just as strong as they'd ever been, but there was something in Steve's eyes that made it seem like….

"And you, you can be mean," Bucky mumbled. "And I, I'll drink all the time."

"'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes, we're lovers, and that is that," Steve sang, getting closer to Bucky.

"Though nothing, will keep us together, we could steal time, just for one day," Bucky whispered as Steve stood toe to toe with Bucky. "Steve, um…"

"We can be heroes, forever and ever," Steve murmured. "What'd you say?"

Song forgotten, Steve pressed his lips against Bucky's, his hands coming up to tangle in Bucky's hair. Bucky's mind shorted out momentarily before instinct took over and he kissed Steve back. Bucky rested his hands on Steve's waist before wrapping around his back and pulling him closer. Steve hummed against Bucky's lips and let one hand drop down to Bucky's shoulder. After a few moments, Bucky pulled back from the kiss, the sound of protest that Steve made breaking his heart a bit.

"Steve," Bucky murmured, his voice gravelly. "Is this okay? I mean, I know that I want to, but I don't want to pressure you if you don't want-."

"Bucky," Steve said, cutting off Bucky's rant. "I kissed you first asshole, of course I want to."

Bucky's heart leapt a bit at this and he nodded. Steve grinned and pulled Bucky back to him, kissing Bucky harder than before. Bucky ran his hands up and down Steve's back, feeling the way Steve's spin curved under his shirt. Emboldened, Bucky slipped his metal hand under Steve's shirt and Steve let out a squeak of surprise at the sudden contact of cold metal on his skin. Bucky removed his hand and burst out laughing, pulling back as Steve gave Bucky an indignant look.

"Sorry Steve," Bucky gasped in between laughs. "That was really cute."

"Shut up," Steve murmured with a glare. "I'm not cute."

Bucky smiled affectionately at Steve and scooped the smaller man up in his arms. He peppered Steve's face with kisses while the smaller man squirmed and protested.

"You are the absolute cutest," Bucky said, pecking Steve on the nose. "You are the world's scrappiest cream puff."

"Bucky, I'm going to kill you, you asshole," Steve snapped while smacking Bucky on the back of the head. "Now put me down!"

"As the puff pastry commands," Bucky replied, lowering Steve to the floor.

Steve flopped down on Bucky's bed and Bucky joined him, pulling Steve in closer so that the blonde's head rested on Bucky's chest. Bucky faintly registered that the song was fading into the next song on the album, but he couldn't care less. He was happy.

"So," Bucky began after a few minutes of silent cuddling, "what does this make us?"

"Did you just pull the 'what are we' card on me?" Steve muttered into Bucky's chest.

"I mean," Bucky shrugged.

Steve went silent for a few more minutes before tilting his head to look at Bucky. Bucky bit his lip, trying not to grin at how cute Steve's contemplative face was. Damn, Bucky was so far gone for him.

"I'm not sure," Steve admitted at long last. "I like you Bucky. I like you a lot, but I'm not sure about calling us boyfriends or anything like that."

"Yeah, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that at this point," Bucky agreed. "I mean, I also like you a lot. We've known this for months. But calling us boyfriends would be weird."

"Glad you agree," Steve murmured, relief visible on his features.

"How about this," Bucky said, stroking a hand up and down Steve's back, "you let me take you out, like on dates and stuff. Treat you nice and all that. Maybe let me walk you to your door and if you're really feeling rebellious, you let me give you a goodnight kiss."

Steve let out a loud snort and flicked Bucky's forehead for his trouble. Bucky laughed and rubbed at the red spot left on his forehead, "What? I was being mostly serious."

"Jokes aside, I like the sound of that," Steve replied. "Maybe if you really treat me right, I'll let you makeout with me sometimes."

"I'd like that," Bucky replied, lightly squeezing Steve's shoulder. "Since we've already started on that one, maybe we can pick up where we left off on that one?"

"You're ridiculous," Steve muttered.

"You like it," Bucky grinned.

"Yeah," Steve replied as he pushed himself above Bucky. He stared down at Bucky and whispered, "I do" before closing the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look for chapter 9 soon!


	9. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve spend Valentine's Day together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 as promised! Some nice Valentine's Day fluff for you all before I go to Emo Night with my friends. Enjoy!

The following month had been one of the best months of Bucky's life. Now that he and Steve had established something, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off of Bucky's shoulders. Sure, they weren't boyfriends, but they were going on dates and they were making out on couches when roommates weren't home. It was nice, and Bucky enjoyed the time he spent with Steve. The friend group quickly adapted to the fact that Steve and Bucky were seeing each other in a "more than friends" sort of way. Bucky wasn't sure, but there were rumors that a betting pool had been going and some people were suddenly way richer than they had been before. Everyone seemed cool with the change, though both Peggy and Sharon took Bucky aside to intimidate him a bit.

One thing that Bucky really liked about his and Steve's new relationship was how often Sam wanted to hang out with Bucky. At first, Bucky had been worried that Sam was going to give him the "Talk", but Sam was having none of that.

"Look, my life does not revolve around Steve," Sam had snapped at Bucky. "I want to get to know you outside of the context of your relationship with Steve."

After that, Sam and Bucky made it a point to hang out twice a week one on one. They usually would go to the gym and workout together. While hanging out, Steve was an off-limits topic, and Bucky found himself grateful for that. It turned out that he and Sam had a lot more in common than Bucky thought they did and the two became fast friends. They'd push each other to work harder and soon found themselves with their own inside jokes.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to steal him from me Wilson," Steve joked one night while they were hanging out at Steve's apartment.

"Nah, I'm good," Sam replied. "I can do better than your emo-looking white boy."

"Emo-looking?" Bucky gasped. "Excuse you, it's called punk."

"There's a difference?" Sam asked, stealing the slice of pizza Bucky had been reaching for.

"You're on your own at the gym next week," Bucky said. "I'm gonna start going with Natasha and Sharon. Get a real workout in."

The best nights were Bucky's date nights with Steve. They wouldn't do anything extravagant, they liked to keep it simple. Some nights they'd go out for a bite to eat at the local diner, some nights they'd go to the movies. But the best nights were the nights where they'd stay in and watch a movie together or make dinner and make out on the couch. Those were Bucky's favorite nights. Something was nagging at the back of Bucky's mind, however. Valentine's Day was approaching fast and Bucky was in full on panic mode over what to do for Steve.

The week before Valentine's Day found Bucky and Sam at the gym, but Bucky was close to breaking the "No Steve Talk" rule. Instead, Bucky chose a much smoother route.

"Got any Valentine's Day plans?" Bucky asked while jogging on a treadmill.

Sam glanced over at Bucky from his own treadmill, eyebrow raised, "Yeah. This girl Maria who works over at the SGA office and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks now. We're gonna go grab a bite to eat."

"Cool," Bucky replied. "How about Nat?"

"She and Sharon are having a quiet night in, but given how they get, I don't know how quiet they'll actually be," Sam said.

"Too much information," Bucky muttered.

"You asked," Sam commented. "And before you ask, the Polycule is having a nice quiet dinner at home."

"The Polycule?"

"That's what Tony calls it," Sam explained. "Pepper and Rhodey are making dinner and Tony and Bruce are not allowed anywhere near the kitchen."

"What about Clint?" Bucky asked.

"Well, he and Laura are on break while she's abroad, but there's this exchange student from somewhere in Eastern Europe who he's taking to the movies," Sam said, stepping off of the treadmill. "So, is this giving you ideas for you and Steve?"

"Whaaaaaaaat," Bucky said trying to act like that wasn't what he had been doing. "That is not what is happening at all. Why would you think that?"

Sam leveled Bucky with a look and Bucky caved, "I have literally zero ideas for what to do with Steve. I don't even know if it's okay to get him something since we're not boyfriends."

"So don't get him anything," Sam said. "Are your roommates going to be around?"

"Jessica and Luke are going out of town, I don't know what Matt and Foggy are doing," Bucky replied.

"So invite Steve over for a candle-lit dinner and a dinner," Sam suggested. "Literally the easiest thing to do."

"Sam, you're a genius," Bucky exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah," Sam brushed him off.

"Seriously, I could kiss you right now," Bucky said, trying to kiss Sam on the cheek.

"Barnes, I swear to god!" Sam hissed, sprinting away from Bucky.

"Forget Steve, I want you!" Bucky laughed, chasing Sam.

"Barnes!"

***

Sunday night rolled around and Bucky was standing in his bathroom, nervously fidgeting in front of the mirror. He had brushed his hair back into a bun and he had thrown on a black button up shirt with matching skinny jeans. It was a standard outfit, but he thought it looked good. His mother had sent him a spaghetti recipe and it was currently cooking. Steve was due to arrive soon and Bucky was nervous as hell. There was a knock at his door and Bucky's heart leapt into his throat. Showtime. Bucky left the bathroom and opened the door.

"Hey Bucky," came the muffled greeting from the bundle of clothes standing in front of Bucky.

"Hey Marshmallow," Bucky greeted with a smirk. "Come on in."

Steve swore at Bucky and stepped inside. Bucky closed the door behind Steve and Steve began to shed his outer layers. Underneath all of the winter clothes, Steve was dressed in a blue button up shirt and a dark gray cardigan that brought out his eyes.

"You look great," Bucky whispered, a little more than awestruck.

Steve flushed a bit and adjusted his glasses, smiling wide, "Thanks Bucky, you too."

Bucky grinned and pulled Steve in for a quick kiss, which Steve returned happily. After a few moments, Bucky pulled away and kissed Steve on the nose.

"Let's eat."

***

After dinner the two threw on a nature documentary for background noise and cuddled up on the couch. Cuddling quickly turned into gentle kisses and Bucky pulled Steve closer, running his hands through Steve's hair.

"Thank you for tonight," Steve whispered against Bucky's lips. "This was everything I wanted it to be."

"You’re welcome," Bucky whispered back. "I'm not gonna lie, I was really worried about things being too much. I had to ask Sam for help and I did it in the most roundabout way. It was bad."

"Well, I'm glad that you came up with this," Steve murmured, brushing a strand of hair back from Bucky's face. "This was a nice way to spend today."

Bucky smiled softly at Steve and pulled him back in for a kiss. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck, pulling him closer until Steve was lying on the couch with Bucky leaning over him. Bucky pulled back, cupping Steve's face with his hand.

"Happy Valentine's Day Steve," Bucky said.

"Happy Valentine's Day Bucky," Steve replied.

When Steve left that night, Bucky had to agree, that was the nicest Valentine's Day ever.


	10. Many Happy Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life continues, and Bucky wants to take the next step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey team, are you ready for the apology of the lifetime, because I feel like such an asshole. I feel like I owe you guys a bit of an explanation for my ten month hiatus on this fic. I started posting "College Town Coffee" in the beginning of my senior year of college. It was my pet project, and I had several spin offs planned. I was super proud of this project. Then the last semester of my undergrad career happened, then Captain America: Steve Rogers happened, then Civil War II happened and I had a falling out with Marvel. It killed me to do so, but I took a break from Marvel and started focusing more on other fandom works, plus I graduated and started a full time job. As a result, I missed the one year anniversary of "College Town Coffee" and worse, I ghosted you guys, my readers. And that was shitty of me, and I'm sorry for that. Thank you so much to the people who stayed subscribed to this fic, thank you so much to the people who found the fic for the first time, thank you so much to sciderman on tumblr for making fanart of my fic, and thank you to my wonderful roommate allihearisradiogaga for not giving up on this fic and for using your position as my roommate to bother me into writing more of it. I can't promise when the next update will be, but I can promise there will be more updates after this one. And without further ado, welcome back to "College Town Coffee". I hope you enjoy it.

                February gave way to March, and Bucky found himself drowning in projects as his professors all jumped on the midterm hell bandwagon.  Bucky found himself with more assignments than he ever had before and, as a result, found himself taking on less shifts with Odinson's, much to Loki's annoyance.  Thor was more than reasonable, however, and that was all that mattered to Bucky.

                "Stark was complaining about the workload the other day, as was Natasha," Thor told Bucky when he called in one day.  "We'll reschedule whatever shifts you need us to and Loki… Well… Loki isn't the one in charge, now is he?"

                After that moment, Bucky felt a lot better about when he needed to call out.

                Steve was a great source of motivation; Bucky found that if Steve was around, he could get his work done quicker than if he were alone.  Not that he was rushing so he could get to cuddling with Steve or anything.  In fact, Steve would sit on the opposite side of the room, bent over whatever art project he was working on with the most intense concentration face Bucky had ever seen on a human being.  And when Steve entered concentration mode, he was not to be disrupted for anything other than food or water.  The one time Bucky had tried to interrupt Steve's concentration for a kiss, Steve had screamed and chucked art supplies at Bucky's head until Bucky was forced back to the other side of the room.  Bucky learned that homework time with Steve was strictly homework time.

                Still, homework time together was better than nothing at all.  Just being able to spend time with Steve was a blessing for Bucky.  They still hadn't quite reached "significant other" status, but Bucky felt that it was coming any day now.  The thought had him daydreaming in class more than once, much to Natasha's amusement.

                "I still can't believe that Sharon and I beat you and Steve to it," Natasha whispered to Bucky  after she pulled him out of a daydream during what was supposed to be a partner discussion in their Russian History class.  "Seriously, how?"

                "I'm trying to take it slow Nat," Bucky hissed back.  "I want Steve to be okay with it first."

                "Steve's not a rabbit Barnes," Natasha said.  "He's not gonna bolt if you ask him to be your boyfriend."

                "I know that," Bucky said.  "And can you keep your voice down?  Asshole might have heard you."

                Several months with the department and a lot of pestering on Bucky's part later, Natasha had finally pointed out Aleksander to Bucky.  As it turned out, Aleksander was in most of Bucky's Russian classes, save Bucky's Modern Russian Literature class.  Now that Bucky had a visual, Bucky knew that he had seen Aleksander around the department, but he definitely hadn't stood out as the guy that a small percentage of the college wanted to throw in an on fire dumpster.  Quite frankly, Bucky could not for the life of him see what Steve saw in the guy.  He looked downright Business Major to Bucky, down to the pretentious clothing.  Not that Bucky had any right to judge majors.  He was still an Engineering Major and friends with Tony Stark.  But still.  Something just seemed off about the guy and Bucky harbored secret concerns that he would try something if he learned that he was dating Steve.

                Fortune was smiling upon Bucky in that moment because Aleksander was currently having his ear talked off by an overly eager sophomore and had to be engaged because the professor was listening in.  Small victory for Bucky.

                "I really don't think that Aleksander is going to try anything if he learns about you and Steve," Natasha said.  "I mean, between your metal arm and the entire wrath of everyone who has befriended Steve ever, that dickbag's not going to think twice about interfering with your happiness."

                "I know, but I can still worry, can't I?" Bucky asked.

                "I'm sure you can," the professor's voice cut in from above the pair, "but that certainly doesn't sound like an in Russian discussion of Catherine the Great's policies, now does it?"  Natasha and Bucky all but leapt out of their seats, much to the amusement of those sitting nearby.  "Keep the gossip to outside of class time please," their professor said, her voice sickly sweet in warning.

                The duo gave their professor a meek confirmation that they'd understood and the professor moved onto the next group.  Once their professor was out of earshot, the two resumed their conversation.

                "So, when are you going to ask Steve to be your boyfriend?" Natasha pressed, switching to Russian to avoid incurring the professor's wrath.

                "I don't know," Bucky replied.  "But it'll be soon."

***

                Soon, as Bucky had intended it, was only supposed to be another day or two.  Soon actually turned into a week and a half of Bucky staring intensely at Steve with every intent to say something, but losing his nerve at the last second and making things weird.  Steve had taken Bucky's odd behavior mostly well, but Bucky could tell that Steve was starting to suspect that something was up and that made Bucky more tense.  So a week and a half of awkward Bucky behavior passed until Bucky finally made up his mind.

                Coincidentally, it was the night before Bucky's birthday, and Steve and Bucky were walking back to Steve's apartment in relative silence after grabbing a bite to eat.  They had more or less snuck out to see each other, as Tony and the others had talked about throwing Bucky an elaborate party that culminated in taking Bucky to a bar for his first legal drink, something that Bucky had visibly cringed at the thought of.  Steve had then taken Bucky to a whole in the wall vegan place with the promise that they could go out the following night.  Dinner ended up being a quiet, intimate affair that Bucky had thoroughly enjoyed.  Bucky had successfully managed to dodge Steve's question about what he wanted for his birthday.  Not a small feat to accomplish, as Steve had asked Bucky that question no less than five times over the course of the evening and Bucky barely had the self restraint to not say, "All I want for my birthday is for you to be my boyfriend" or something equally mortifying. 

The tradeoff, however, was a slightly annoyed Steve.  The first few times Bucky had tried to grab Steve's hand when they left the restaurant were met with short, but firm smacks with the back of Steve's hand.  Bucky eventually gave up and shoved his hands into his pockets and Steve had done the same.  It certainly wasn't how Bucky pictured the night to go.  Still, Bucky had a plan, and it involved Steve's doorstep and a moment of privacy that a restaurant or a night out with their friends wouldn't have afforded. 

After a few minutes of quiet huffing and pouting, the pair had locked eyes and a wide grin spread across Steve's face.  Bucky could feel a matching grin on his own face and the pair started giggling to themselves, the tension from the earlier part of the evening mostly forgotten.  Bucky reached out and took Steve's hand in his own, Steve's fingers intertwining with Bucky's metal ones.  The remainder of the walk home was less tense and Bucky found himself lazily swinging his and Steve's arms.   The walk came to an end all too soon and they found themselves standing on Steve's doorstep, just looking at each other.

                "Well, good night, I guess," Steve murmured, finally dropping Bucky's hand and turning away.  He turned his back on Bucky and opened the door to his apartment.

                'Come on Barnes, stick to the plan,' Bucky thought.

                "Hey Steve," Bucky called out before Steve opened the door all the way. 

Steve paused and looked back at Bucky, "Bucky?"

Now was the time.  It was the perfect opportunity.  All Bucky had to do was take a step forward and say…

"Have a good night Steve," Bucky said, blushing hard and looking anywhere but at Steve.

Damn coward.  Bucky Barnes was a damn coward.  And Steve could probably tell that Bucky was holding back.

"Bucky?" Steve asked again.

Yup.  Steve knew.  Time to abort.

"Is there something wrong?" Steve pressed.

Well, it was now or never.

"I have something I want to tell you," Bucky mumbled, "but I don't know if this is the time or place…"

Fuck.

Steve, saint that he was, seemed to know exactly what Bucky was trying to say.  He gave Bucky a gentle smile and moved to stand in front of him.  He took Bucky's hands in his, ignoring the cold of Bucky's metal hand on his own bare skin.

"We can talk more tomorrow," Steve reassured Bucky.  "I can meet you at Odinson's before class and you can tell me whatever you need to, deal?  And if you decide that tomorrow's not the right time, then we'll find the right time."

Bucky felt the tension bleed out of his frame and he let his shoulders relax.  He nodded once, his thumb caressing the back of Steve's hand.  "Thank you for being patient with me," Bucky said.

"Hey, you've been patient with me, it's only fair," Steve teased.  Steve rocked forward on the balls of his feet and pressed a quick kiss to Bucky's lips.  "I'll see you tomorrow," Steve murmured when he pulled back, his lips still close enough to Bucky's that they brushed gently.  Bucky responded in turn with a kiss of his own, this one deeper than Steve's own.  He ran one hand through Steve's hair, mindful of Steve's hearing aids as he did so.  Steve melted into the touch for a brief moment before pulling back and giving Bucky another smile.  "Good night Bucky," Steve whispered before taking a step back and opening the door.

Bucky watched as Steve disappeared through the door and murmured a quiet, "Good night Steve."

***

                Something wasn't right.  Steve wasn't at Odinson's.  Bucky had arrived later than he had intended, having overslept a bit and then having wasted the better part of fifteen minutes answering birthday texts, only to find that Steve was nowhere to be seen in the tiny café.  Bucky had asked Darcy and Jane if they had seen Steve at all that morning, but neither had.  With a sigh, Bucky had sat down at his and Steve's usual table and waited.  He sent off an occasional text to Steve, and even called him once, but received nothing in return. 

Bucky hung around for the better part of forty five minutes.  Every time the door chimed, Bucky's head whipped towards it, hoping to see Steve.  Each time Bucky was disappointed to see someone other than Steve.  This went on until Jane came over to tell Bucky that his classes would be starting soon and if he didn't leave, he'd be late.  Bucky gave the café one last look before he gathered his stuff and left.

All throughout his Russian History class, Bucky was a distracted mess.  His class was small enough that he couldn't get away with checking his phone for texts.  This fact did nothing to stop the itching sensation that Bucky got in his fingers, a feeling that was urging him to fish his phone out of his pocket and check for messages from Steve. 

To make things worse, Natasha seemed to be actively avoiding Bucky.  Bucky had tried to flag her down at the beginning of class, but Natasha had sat down without even so much as throwing a glance Bucky's direction.  Add that to one more pleasant birthday surprise, Bucky supposed.  Natasha's lack of friendliness combined with the overwhelming urge to check his phone meant that class dragged for Bucky at an unusual snail's pace until at long last, their professor let them leave.  Natasha was out the door faster than Bucky had ever seen her move, leaving Bucky stunned.  He packed his things slowly and checked his phone.  Still nothing from Steve.

"Something wrong Barnes?" an accented voice said over Bucky's shoulder.  "Did you and Natalia have a fight?"

Bucky whipped around, coming face to face with Aleksander.  Bucky frowned; Aleksander had never spoken to Bucky before.

"It's none of your business," Bucky snapped, turning on his heel and marching out of the classroom before Aleksander could say another word.  Bucky had gone all of ten feet before a new voice reached his ears.

"BARNES."

Bucky turned at the sound of Natasha's voice, only to find her rapidly approaching him.  Bucky took a step back on reflex, the look of murder in Natasha's eyes scaring Bucky and making him even more confused than before.  Bucky didn't get a chance to voice his concerns as Natasha roughly shoved him down a side hallway and up against a wall.  Her forearm dug into Bucky's throat and Bucky let out a strangled cough.  His fingers dug at Natasha's arm, but it wouldn't budge, pinning him in place.

                "What the fuck did you do to Steve?" Natasha snarled, her eyes alight with fury.

                "What?" Bucky choked out.

                "Don't play dumb Barnes," Natasha growled.

                "Natasha, I legitimately have no idea what you're talking about," Bucky said.  "I haven't heard from Steve all day."

                "What do you mean you have no idea?" Natasha snapped.  "Steve up and vanishes and you have no idea what happened?"

                "Can you kindly step the hell off and explain to me what the hell is going on?" Bucky hissed as he finally squirmed out of Natasha's grip and shoved her backwards.  "Because if I'm telling you that I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, chances are, I really don't know what the fuck you're talking about.  What do you mean that Steve up and vanished?  Where'd he go?"

                Murder still in her eyes, Natasha took a deep breath before she spoke, "All I know is that last night Steve ran out of the apartment with a packed duffle bag, his inhaler and his car keys and he wasn't home when I left this morning.  You were the last person he was with."

                "So you automatically assumed I had something to do with it?" Bucky asked, incredulous.  "Nat, come on.  Have a little more faith in me than that."

                Natasha studied Bucky's face for a moment before sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose, "Steve's never really run off like this before.  He's not answering mine or Sam's texts and it's starting to worry us."

                "That's not an excuse to shove me against a wall," Bucky grumbled.

                "I know, I'm sorry," Natasha said.  "Have you tried reaching out to Steve today?"

                "Like I said, I haven't heard from him.  I texted him earlier today when he didn't show up at Odinson's," Bucky said.  "But I figured he had either overslept or just forgotten, so I let it go and went to class."

                Natasha went silent, deep in thought.  Bucky watched as she fidgeted, a movement so minute that Bucky thought he could have made it up.  If Natasha was that worried, something must really be up.  "Will you tell me if you hear from him?" Natasha asked after a moment.

                A small part of Bucky really wanted to be petty about this, about the fact that Natasha had shoved him up against a wall and had threatened him with bodily harm.  He could have very well been salty about this entire situation and told her no.  But Bucky knew that being an asshole wasn't going to do anyone any favors and Natasha would worry about Steve just as much as Bucky would.

                "I'll let you know if I hear from him," Bucky said.

                Natasha nodded and turned to leave.  As she did, she glanced back at Bucky over her shoulder and whispered, "Thank you.  And again, sorry for well," she gestured to the wall that Bucky was still slumped against, "This."  As an afterthought, she added, "Happy birthday," before walking away.

                Bucky watched her go, absently rubbing at his neck.  After a few moments, he pushed off the wall and scooped his backpack off the ground.  His movements were stiff, robotic in a way that surprised Bucky a bit.  Natasha's words were still swirling around in Bucky's mind, bogging him down as he moved on autopilot towards his next class.  Steve had just vanished in the middle of the night.  With no explanation. 

Without really thinking, Bucky pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Steve's number.  He pressed the phone to his ear and muttered a near silent plea of, "Come on Steve, please answer the phone."

The phone rang once, twice, then Steve's voicemail picked up.  Bucky swore and dialed again.  It rang once, then went to voicemail.  Bucky tried once more, and the phone went straight to voicemail, as if Steve had turned his phone off.

                Bucky wasn't sure what had happened, but he knew one thing for certain.  Something had happened, and Steve was gone.


	11. Hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Bucky's birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy howdy, a lot has happened over the last few months. The long and short of it is that my schedule has been hell. In between a full time job, I took my GREs, went to Anime Boston, watched two of my best friends graduate college and then cried my eyes out in an Indian restaurant because they were also my roommates and they were moving out. So, things have been hectic. I also just quit my full time job and am now waiting to hear back on some other job opportunities so *throws glitter*. We're also gonna be coming up on the two year anniversary of this fic in September, so I'll try to have the fic finished by then. That's my promise to you all. Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with the fic despite my highly erratic updating schedule. Your support means worlds to me, and I'm so glad that you all have been with me on this journey. And now, chapter 11.

Bucky went home.  It was all he could do, really.  There was no point in going to the rest of his classes if he was going to receive the same treatment from everyone else.  If everyone else was doing what Natasha did and speculating that Steve's sudden departure was Bucky's fault, he'd rather spend the day alone.  On the other hand, if they weren't… Bucky didn't want the sympathy.  Not really.  Bucky toed his shoes off at the front door of his apartment and made a beeline for his room.  Once inside and once the door was shut, Bucky took his phone from his pocket and gave it a quick check.  No text notifications, no missed calls.  With a growl of frustration, Bucky dropped his phone onto the floor and faceplanted onto his bed.  Exhaustion settled over him like a lead blanket and tears welled up in his eyes.  He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself to fall asleep soon.  His attempt was thwarted by the low buzzing of his phone against the floor.  An incoming call.  Bucky leapt for the phone, falling to the floor in the process.  He scrambled to sit upright and checked the caller ID.  He slumped; it was his mother. 

Bucky accepted the call with a heavy sigh and a dejected, "Hi Mom."

"Happy Birthday sweetie!" came the proud, enthusiastic crowing of Winifred Barnes and several others that Bucky assumed were her coworkers.  "My sweet baby's twenty one!"

"Yeah, he is," Bucky agreed halfheartedly.

"Do you have any plans for today?" Winifred asked.

Bucky chewed on his lower lip out of nervousness.  Did he really want to tell his mom about what happened with Steve?  "I thought I did," he said finally.

"What's wrong Hon'?  You sound way too down for a day like today," Winifred pressed with genuine concern.  "Did you get less than a B on a paper?  Or is it significant other trouble?"  When Bucky didn't immediately respond, Winifred asked, "Is that it?"

Bucky inhaled, then exhaled and said, "It's Steve.  Last night we had agreed to meet up at Odinson's this morning to talk, but he no showed.  Then Natasha told me that he had left their apartment in a rush last night with a bag and his car keys and hadn't heard from him since.  I tried to call him a couple times, but either he turned his phone off or the battery died."  Bucky decided to omit the part about Natasha shoving him against the wall and threatening him with bodily harm.  His mom didn't need to know about that.

After a moment of silence, Winifred replied with the single most dissatisfying sentence Bucky had ever heard in his entire life, "Oh."

"What do you mean, 'Oh.'?" Bucky snapped.  "My not boyfriend up and vanished on me the day before my birthday, the day before I was going to ask him to be my actual boyfriend and all you can say is, 'Oh.'?"

"Honey, I know you're upset, but please don't take that tone with me," Winifred said.

"Sorry Mom," Bucky apologized.  "I'm just…"

"I know sweetie," Winifred said.

"You know something though." It wasn't a question.  "About why Steve left."

The line went quiet for a moment before Winifred said, "Let me go somewhere quiet."  There was a rustling noise as Winifred left the break room.  Bucky waited, on edge.

"I really shouldn't be telling you this," Winifred began after a moment, her voice quiet and all background noise gone.  "This is in direct violation of HIPAA."

"Mom-," Bucky started.

"No, you should probably know," Winifred said.  She took a deep breath and whispered, "Two days ago, Sarah Rogers was hit by a car.  It was a hit-and-run, we still don't know who did it.  She's currently in the ICU."

Bucky felt his blood run cold.

"I personally haven't seen Steve yet," Winifred continued, "but I imagine that he's here somewhere."

"Oh god," Bucky croaked.  "No… No wonder Steve wasn't answering his phone.  I thought… I thought that I had done something.  Oh god, I feel like such an asshole."

"I'm sorry sweetie," Winifred murmured.  "I'll try to keep you updated as best as I can.  But it might be a good idea to give Steve his space for a few days.  Let him reach out to you when he's ready."

Bucky nodded, then remembered that his mother couldn't see the action.  "I'll do that."

Winifred sighed, "I really am sorry Bucky.  This is going to be hard for everyone, and I know that it hurts that Steve didn't talk to you.  But take some time for yourself today.  Don't think about Steve too much.  It's your special day after all."

"I'll try," Bucky replied.

"And that's all I can ask for," Winifred said.  "I need to go.  I love you Bucky.   Happy Birthday."

"Love you too Mom, thanks," Bucky said before hanging up.

"That sounded like a fun conversation," said a voice from the doorway.

Bucky glanced up to find Matt and Foggy standing in the open doorway.  Bucky winced; how long had they been standing there?

"Get your shoes on, we're going out drinking for your birthday," Foggy said.

Bucky shot Foggy a concerned look.  "It's a Thursday."

"Yes it is," Matt agreed.  "And we're going to be participating in the time-honored college tradition of Thirsty Thursday."

"You're serious," Bucky said.

"Of course we are, it's your birthday man," Foggy replied.  "And it sounds like you need something to make this day a little less sucky."

Bucky weighed his options.  He could sit around and mope and wait for Steve to maybe call him back.  He could sit around and mope and wait for Natasha or Sam or anyone of the friends he had made through Steve to call him.  Or he could hang out with the roommates he only kind of knew and get so shitfaced that he forgot that his life was kind of sucking right now.

"I do," Bucky agreed.  "Let's go."

***

Hangovers were hell.  Hangovers during morning shifts were even worse.  Hangovers during morning shifts with Loki purposefully being loud and Thor accidentally being loud were the worst.  Bucky was doing his best to act like a human being, resting his head on the countertop with his eyes squeezed shut as he brain attempted to jackhammer its way out of his skull.  There was a quiet murmuring followed by a boisterous laugh and heavy footsteps signaling Thor's approach.  Bucky tried not to groan as the tall blond sidled up next to him and clapped him on the shoulder hard.  From the corner of his eye, Bucky could see Darcy wince in sympathy before she returned her attention to her phone.

"My friend, it looks like you celebrated your birthday marvelously," Thor said with a grin.  "Though it does look like you're paying for it dearly this morning."

"Matt and Foggy's idea of a fun birthday is doing ten shots each and fighting God half naked in a Denny's parking lot," Bucky muttered to the countertop.  Bucky was very much aware of the fact that he still had the phrase "Best Damn Free Shavacadooo" written on his back in sharpie.

"I am a little surprised that you did not celebrate with Stark and the rest of us," Thor admitted.

Bucky swallowed; did they really not know about Steve?  "I decided that I hadn't spent enough time with my roommates," he said, which wasn't exactly a lie in Bucky's book.

"Well perhaps we can do something as a group this weekend," Thor mused.  "Like my Mormor used to say, your birthday ends when you receive the last card and the last present."

"Sure, sounds like fun," Bucky replied, straightening as the door chimed.  Who knew, maybe everyone else was less observational than Natasha and no one would say anything.

***       

"So are you and Steve fighting?" Scott asked after class.

Bucky dropped his head against the nearest wall.  He hit the surface harder than intended and swore loudly.  The outer walls of the engineering building were made from a coarse brick and Bucky could feel the blood well up just under the surface of his skin.  The day just kept getting better. 

"Scott, dude, it's not our business," Rhodey snapped.

"Sure it's not," Tony chimed in, "but we still wanna know why our favorite starving artist just suddenly vanished."

"It was a little weird that he took off," Bruce admitted.

The only one currently not drilling Bucky aside from Rhodey was Sam, but Bucky could see that he had a weird expression on his face.  Bucky could tell, Sam wanted to say something.

"I don't know anything," Bucky lied.  "He up and left yesterday and that's all I know.  Got pinned to the wall by Natasha for my troubles."

"Nat pinned you to a wall?" Tony pressed.

"Yeah, she thought that I had done something to upset Steve and that was why he left," Bucky explained.  "Now if we could kindly drop this line of conversation-."

"Hold on there, My Chemical Romance, we're not done here," Tony interrupted.  "Sounds to me like you do know something-."

"Tony, enough," Sam cut in.  "Bucky said he didn't know where Steve went or why he left.  He didn't do anything, so drop it."

"But-," Tony began, only to shrink under the look Sam gave him.

"Bucky, walk with me," Sam motioned for Bucky to follow as he turned and started towards Bucky's next class.

Bucky shrugged at the others before taking off after Sam.  He caught up and the two fell in step with each other.  They remained silent for a few moments before Bucky spoke up, "I do know what happened to Steve."

"Does it have anything to do with you personally?" Sam asked.

"No, but-," Bucky tried, but Sam waved off his protest.

"All I want to know is that he's safe.  Can you tell me that much?  I've spent the last two nights worrying about whether or not he's dead in a ditch somewhere.  I just want to know that my best friend is safe."

Sam's voice had cracked.  Bucky stole a quick glance at Sam's face and was startled to see tears running down Sam's face.  Bucky looked down, his own emotions getting the best of him.  He nodded once.  There was a moment of silence before Bucky felt something drop against his shoulder.  He glanced to the side to find Sam's hand resting on his shoulder, his touch reassuring.  Bucky's stomach clenched and before he realized it, he was pulling Sam into a tight hug.

"His mom's in the hospital," Bucky murmured.  "He's there with her."

Sam tensed for a moment before he relaxed into Bucky's embrace.  He squeezed Bucky once before he whispered, "I'm glad that he's safe.  I mean, I'm heartbroken that Sarah's in the hospital, but I'm glad that he's not missing."

The two stood locked together for a few moments, each one comforted by the other.  Bucky realized how much he needed this and sniffled once.  They broke apart after a few more seconds of contact.

"Thank you Sam," Bucky muttered as he wiped his eyes.

"Anytime man," Sam replied.  "Now get to class."  Sam gave Bucky a gentle push in the approximate direction of his next class and walked off, wiping his own eyes as he went.

Bucky smiled at Sam's retreating back.  It was nice to know that he had at least one person he could count on right now. 

***

The rest of the day had passed in an emotionless blur as the hangover finally wore off.  He had successfully navigated Russian with Natasha, the pair tense, but amicable as they discussed the reading that Bucky clearly hadn't done due to Matt and Foggy's last minute celebration.  They parted ways after class and Bucky spent the remainder of the day avoiding his friends and barely being present in class.  He received several texts over the course of the day, most from Tony, Scott and Clint, all of which he ignored.  By the time Bucky made it back to his apartment that evening, he was exhausted. 

"Seems like you, Nelson and Murdock had fun last night," Jessica said from her spot at the dining room table, her eyes never once leaving the documents in front of her.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair.  "You could say that."

"Heard the three of you come crawling back in around 4am," Jessica continued.  "Was there a particular occasion or were you guys just causing problems?"

"It was for my birthday," Bucky explained.

Jessica hummed and conversation stalled between the two of them.  Bucky felt awkward standing in the doorway, but something told him that Jessica wasn't quiet done with him.  He kicked his shoes off and placed them on the show rack by the door.  Jessica remained silent.  Bucky shifted uncomfortably and made to head to his room.

"What happened with your boy?" Jessica asked suddenly.

Bucky bit his lip; damn his landlady being a private investigator on the side.  "He left late a few nights ago to drive back down to New York City.  His mom got in a car crash and is in intensive care."

"And you didn't go after him."  It wasn't a question.

"No," Bucky said.  "I figured it wouldn't be appropriate."

"No, Murdock and Nelson drank you under the table so you couldn't," Jessica stated.

Bucky frowned, "Even if they hadn't, I wouldn't have."

"You sure about that?"

"Of course I am," Bucky snapped.  "My guess is that Steve needs to be alone right now.  Hell, that's not even a guess.  He wouldn't answer any of my calls or texts yesterday."

Jessica finally looked up from her papers and eyed Bucky intensely.  After a tense moment of silence, she spoke, "So, what's your next move?"

Bucky replied without hesitation, "I'm going to wait for Steve to reach out."

"Spoken like a true gentleman," Jessica commented.

Bucky genuinely couldn't tell if he had just been insulted or not.  "It seems like the right thing to do," he clarified.

"It probably is," Jessica agreed.  "How long do you think it'll take?"

"I don't know, but I'll wait as long as I need to," Bucky replied.

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"Easy, I want to be here for him if he needs it," Bucky said.  "His last boyfriend wouldn't do that for him, but he didn't love Steve like I do."

This seemed to surprise Jessica just as much as it surprised Bucky.  They had been together for two months, they weren't even boyfriends.  Where was this coming from?

Before Bucky could say anything else, his phone began to ring.  Bucky held his finger up and Jessica nodded, turning back to her documents.  Bucky stood and fished his phone out of his pocket.  The caller ID registered it as an unknown New York number.  Bucky accepted the call and pressed the phone to his ear, moving to his bedroom.  "Hello?"

"Hey Bucky," a familiar but shaky voice replied, "it's Steve."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst filled updates, I promise it will get better


	12. Long Overdue Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me getting this chapter posted today is like sliding headfirst into home plate at the bottom of the ninth attempting to break a tie and actually doing it. Like, I am actually very surprised I got this done. But I did! And here it is! We are one step closer to finishing up College Town Coffee. As stated previously, I'm going to be doing a chapter a month until September to wrap up what has been such a surprisingly huge project. Thank you to everyone who has stood by the fic for the last almost two years. The support has been overwhelming, and I am so grateful to all of you. Without further ado, chapter 12!

Bucky felt his heart leap into his throat.  It was Steve.  Oh god.  It was Steve.

"Steve," Bucky gasped, his voice barely above a whisper and cracking in the middle.

Steve huffed out an unsteady laugh, sounding on the verge of tears, "Yeah, it's me.   I… I wanted to call sooner, but I left my charger at my apartment.  I'm calling from a phone at the hospital.  I, um… I guess I have some explaining to do."

Bucky closed his bedroom door and collapsed against it.  He slid down the length of the door until he was sitting on the floor, one leg extended while the other pressed to his chest.  He had a million and one things he wanted to say to Steve.  That he was happy that Steve was okay, that he was hurt that Steve vanished just before his birthday, that Natasha almost killed him because she thought he had done something to Steve.  He said none of these things.  He didn't know where to begin.  Bucky ran his metal hand through his hair, fingers tangling in the elastic that kept his hair in a bun.  The movement pulled the elastic free and Bucky's hair fell into his face.  Biting back a sigh, Bucky whispered, "Only if you want to."

The line was quiet; Steve was obviously trying to collect his thoughts.  Bucky knew he needed to be patient, Steve needed him to be.  After a few minutes, Steve began, "It wasn't anything that you did, I hope you know that."

"I know," Bucky said in reassurance, though he wasn't sure if it was for his benefit or Steve's.  "I mean, I figured as much."

"My… My mom," Steve continued.  He paused, taking a deep, shuttering breath before continuing, "My mom was on her way home.  She was crossing the street… She was in the crosswalk when…."

Steve broke off again, a broken sob ripping from his chest.  Even on the other side of the phone, Bucky could feel Steve's pain, could sense how hurt he was.  Bucky knew that Steve would be hurting, but to hear it so plainly was devastating.  Bucky longed to reach out, to cradle Steve close and to whisper that things were going to be okay.  To run his fingers through Steve's hair, to wipe the tears from Steve's eyes and to just be there for him in his time of need.  But Steve was on the other side of the state, probably in the hospital still, refusing to leave his mother for more than a few minutes.  And Bucky was upstate, in the overwhelmingly empty apartment room that was so utterly devoid of Steve.  Bucky had never felt more hopeless than he did in that moment.  It was killing him.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Bucky mumbled, words falling from his mouth on autopilot.  It felt fake, to say those words.

"No, I need to," Steve replied.  "I… I need to talk about it."

"Okay," Bucky whispered.

Steve took another long, unsteady breath and started again, "Mom was in the middle of a crosswalk.  A drunk driver ran the red light and… Well… They didn't stop, whoever they were.  Mom was extremely lucky that it was a few blocks from the hospital, so the response was quick.  She's…"

Steve broke off again, breathing heavy.  Bucky braced himself for the worst, but didn't offer any words of empty promise.

"She's alive, for now," Steve continued.  "She's in critical condition, and she's been in and out of surgery for a few days now.  I don't know if she's going to make it or not."

"She will, Steve," Bucky said automatically.  "Sarah's strong as hell.  If anyone can pull through, it's her.  She's going to make it through this, Steve."

Steve inhaled sharply on the other end, as if he had been punched in the gut.  Bucky knew it was coming, but nothing could really prepare him for Steve full on sobbing on the other end.  A vice-like grip squeezed Bucky's heart, tears spilling from his own eyes.  Bucky never wanted to hear Steve make those sounds ever again.  Bucky curled up on himself, knees to chest as he squeezed his legs tight, just listening as Steve let it all out.

"I just… T-This… This is the s-second time in a year that my mom's ended up… E-Ended up in the hospital," Steve choked out.  "She means everything to me, Bucky.  She's the only family I have left, and now I have to watch her fight for her life again.  I'm so scared that I'm going to lose her.  I love her so much, and I am so scared that I'm going to lose her forever."

In that moment, Bucky really didn't know what to say.  He knew what it was like to lose friends to car accidents, he had the metal prosthetic to prove it.  But his own experience was so much different than Steve's; this was Steve's mother.  There was no way Bucky could compare the two.

"What do you need from me in this moment?" Bucky asked, picking his words with no small amount of caution.  "Whatever you want from me, I can do that for you.  If it's emotional support, if it's me driving down to Brooklyn, whatever you need, I'm here with you, and I want to be here with you."

"You don't have to do that," Steve murmured.

"I know I don't, but I want to," Bucky stated.  "You mean the world to me, Steve.  I want to be here for you."

"That's what _he_ said too," Steve said.

Bucky inhaled sharply; Steve's words stung.  "Steve, I'm not him," Bucky said, trying not to snap.  "When I say that I want to be here for you, I mean it.  I'm not feeding you empty promises here.  I-."

Bucky stopped himself before he could say something he'd regret saying in that moment.  Before he could say "I love you" to a very distraught Steve.  It wouldn't be appropriate to drop that one on Steve now. 

On the other end of the line, Steve huffed out a small breath, the faintest of chuckles.  "You're right," Steve conceded.  "You're much better than he could ever hope to be."

Bucky smiled gently at that, even if Steve couldn't see it.  "So, now that we've established that I'm not a huge asshole, what do you need from me right now?  Whatever you need, I got you."

"I don't know," Steve admitted.  "A distraction?  Guidance?  Something to keep my mind off of things for a minute."

"When was the last time you ate something?" Bucky asked.  "And slept?"

"Ate this morning," Steve answered.  "I haven't showered in about three days maybe?"

"I see you're avoiding the sleep question," Bucky said.  Another lapse into silence.  The frown on Bucky's face deepened.  "Steve?"

"I've been too scared to sleep," Steve whispered.  "Well, that's not true, I've micro-slept a bit.  I'm scared that if I sleep for any longer, something's going to happen to her."

"You need sleep," Bucky stated.  "I don't want to tell you what to do, but you really shouldn't neglect your own health right now.  Sarah wouldn't want that."

Steve let out a sigh, "You're right, she wouldn't."

"Do you want me to give my mom a call?  She could probably get you something better than crappy hospital food."

Steve yawned on the other end, "Maybe another time, but thanks for the offer.  I think I'm gonna drive home, shower, eat, and sleep.  I've been surviving on nothing but hospital food and coffee for three days now."

"That sounds like a stellar plan, you should do that," Bucky said.  "Maybe see if you have an extra phone charger lying around too.  That way the people at the hospital can get in touch with you."

"Yeah, I'll do that."  There was another sigh before Steve continued, "Thank you Bucky.  I really do appreciate you talking to me, and, you know, not freaking out on me for vanishing."

"Well, I'd be lying if I said that it didn't freak me out a bit," Bucky admitted.  "But knowing that you're safe and that you're with your mom makes me feel a bit… I don't know, 'happier' isn't the right word.  Relieved?  I guess?  I'm just glad that you're physically okay."

"I'm sorry for making you worry," Steve apologized.  "It's been a rough couple of days."

"You don't need to apologize," Bucky replied.  "I can only imagine what you're going through."

"Oh, the other day," Steve said, changing the subject entirely, "you said that you wanted to talk to me about something.  What did you want to talk about?"

Bucky felt the bottom of his stomach drop out.  It was as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over his head, given the way he froze on the spot.  This was the second time this conversation that a moment like this had come up.  Bucky wasn't ready to drop this on Steve, not now.

"Bucky?"

Bucky inhaled, "It was nothing important, Steve.  Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?" Steve pressed.  "You made it seem like it was important."

"We can talk about it another time," Bucky insisted.  "You need food and sleep."

"Alright, alright," Steve groused.  "Thank you again for everything, Bucky."

"You're welcome Steve," Bucky whispered.

"Oh, and Bucky?"

"Yeah Steve?"

"The coffee here just isn't the same as when you make it.  Something about the way you make it makes it taste better."

***

The following morning found Bucky at work.  He was manning the espresso machine, as Thor took one look at Bucky when he walked through the door and decided that today was another "Bucky doesn't deal with customers" day.  It was a blessing, as Saturday mornings were usually busy.  For the first two hours of his day, Bucky was left to his own devices.  He really only had to deal with calling out customers' names and the occasional sympathetic look from his coworkers.  Which Bucky really should have expected.  He got approximately an hour of sleep the night before, his anxiety over Steve and Sarah keeping him up for most of the night.

Darcy in particular seemed the most invested in Bucky's current state of being.  She kept openly staring at Bucky whenever she passed him a cup.  Bucky knew she was going to say something sooner rather than later.  Sure enough, once the last customer in line sat down with their drink, she turned to him, "You're looking a little rough there, Bucky Boy."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Bucky replied.

Darcy stared at him, expectant.

"You want me to talk about it, don't you?" Bucky asked.

"I wouldn't be opposed to a little gossip, no," Darcy confirmed.  "Especially if it relates to how hungover you were yesterday."

"I was hungover yesterday because the day before was my 21st birthday."

Darcy opened her mouth to press for more information, but before she could say anything, Thor approached the counter.

"James, could you join me in the stockroom for a moment?" Thor asked.  "I require some assistance."

Bucky flashed Darcy an apologetic look.  She rolled her eyes, turning back to the register with a look that said, "This isn't over, Barnes."  Bucky waved a hand at her and followed Thor into the stockroom.  Bucky knew that Thor really didn't need Bucky's help; Thor could lift several large sacks of coffee beans on his own.  Thor was probably cornering Bucky to ask his own questions.  Once they were both inside, Thor turned on the overhead light and closed the door.

"Alright, before you ask your questions, I just wanna say that I didn't do anything to Steve," Bucky said.  "He's currently in Brooklyn taking care of some family matters that have nothing to do with me."

Thor stared at Bucky for a moment, bringing his hand up to rub uncomfortably at the back of his neck.  "I was going to ask why you kept coming in looking more disheveled than usual, seeing as this is the second day that's happened.  But I guess your outburst just told me everything I needed to know."

Bucky sighed, leaning back against one of the supply shelves, "Sorry, I've been on the defense for a few days now."

"Natasha thought that I had done something to Steve, so you can imagine how that went.  And then Tony and Scott were drilling me for information yesterday.  It's been stressful."

"Samuel told me a little about what had been going on," Thor said.  "Is there anything you can tell me about Steve and this family issue?"

Bucky paused for a moment; Steve hadn't told him not to tell anyone, but how much was appropriate to share?

"His mom's in the hospital," Bucky said.

"Did she relapse?" Thor asked.

"No, car accident," Bucky replied.

"I see."

The two fell silent for a moment.  Bucky wasn't sure how much Steve had told Thor about his personal life.  He apparently knew about Sarah's illness the year before, so Steve was close enough to tell him about that.

"How are you feeling about all of this?" Thor asked suddenly, catching Bucky off guard.  "As his boyfriend, I mean."

"He's not my boyfriend," Bucky replied automatically.

Thor looked genuinely surprised at that.  "I thought you two were, my apologies."

Bucky felt his face go red.  "I mean, I had been planning on asking him on my birthday, but then he left and I didn't talk to him again until he called me last night, and I figured that it'd be inappropriate to ask him at that point-."

Thor held up a hand to stop Bucky's rambling.  Bucky snapped his mouth shut, exhaling through his nose.  "My mom told me before Steve told me," Bucky said after a moment, "so I've been sitting on that one for a few days."

"It sounds like you two have been through quite a bit over the last few days," Thor commented.

"Steve more so than me," Bucky replied.

"True, but you've also been through a lot," Thor stated.  "I can't imagine what I'd do if Jane suddenly vanished on me."

Bucky nodded, tears threatening to spill over.  Thor pulled Bucky into a bone crushing hug.  Bucky returned the hugs weakly.

Thor pulled back, his hands on Bucky's shoulders as he looked Bucky in the eye, "In any case, both you and Steve have my support.  If either of you need anything from me, I'm here for the both of you."

"Thank you Thor, I appreciate it," Bucky said.

Their moment was interrupted by Loki throwing the stockroom door wide open.  He leveled Bucky with a look and said, "If you're done, you have a visitor."

Thor took a step back from Bucky and gave Loki a look of his own.  Bucky brushed past Loki, freezing when he spotted the familiar red hair at the counter.  Natasha and Sharon were leaning against the counter, chatting amicably with Darcy.  Bucky was about to turn tail and dive back into the stockroom when Sharon spotted him.

"Bucky!" she called, waving him over.

Bucky grimaced; there was no getting out of this now.  He forced a smile and waved at the duo.  Sharon gestured him over, and he reluctantly went.  When he reached the counter, Sharon threw an arm around Bucky's shoulders and guided him over to a nearby four-person table.  Natasha, Bucky noted, looked sheepish as she followed them.  Sharon sat down and gestured for Natasha and Bucky to do the same.  They sat down and Sharon clapped her hands.

"So, Bucky, Natasha has something she'd like to say," Sharon began.  "Right, Nat?"

Natasha glared a bit at her girlfriend, which was given a wide-eyed, flat-lipped look in response.  With a sigh, Natasha looked at Bucky, "I'm sorry about slamming you into the wall the other day.  I know I didn't really apologize to you when it happened.  And I'm sorry for assuming that you did something to Steve.  He called me and Sam last night to tell us what happened."

"It's… Well, it's not fine, but apology accepted," Bucky replied.  "I might have done the same if I had been in your position."

Natasha gave Bucky a curt nod.

"Have you talked to Steve at all?" Sharon asked.

"I talked to him for a bit last night.  He told me everything."

"And how are you feeling?"

Bucky frowned, then sighed.  "I guess I'm doing okay," Bucky said.  "I mean, I didn't sleep at all last night because I'm worried about Sarah.  But overall, I'm relieved that Steve's okay.  I'm glad that he's with her."

Sharon put her hand on Bucky's.  "I'm glad that Steve reached out to you.  And I know that this must be hard for you too.  We want you to know that we're here for both you and Steve if you need us.  We're your friends, and we love you both."

This time, tears did leak from Bucky's eyes.  He quickly brushed his eyes with the back of his hand and nodded.  "Thank you," he croaked.  "It does mean a lot."

"Of course, Bucky," Sharon said.  "And I do mean everyone is here for you.  That includes Stark and the others, even if they haven't said anything.  They care about you too."  Looking at her watch, Sharon frowned, then turned her attention back to Bucky.  "Guess we better let you get back to work.  We have kickboxing in twenty minutes."  With that, Sharon got to her feet, "If you need anything, don't hesitate to text."  She gestured for Natasha to follow her and made her way towards the door.

Natasha looked at Bucky once more before getting to her feet.  Natasha paused, her shoulder's tense.  After a moment, Natasha turned to look at Bucky, "You two rely on each other so much.  We're all here for Steve, but you're able to do a lot more for him, given your relationship with him.  I'm glad that you two have each other."

Stunned, Bucky gave Natasha a small nod and whispered, "Thank you Nat."

"See you in class Bucky," Natasha said before turning and following Sharon out.

For the rest of his shift, Bucky felt a little happier.

***

On Monday, things had mostly returned to normal.  Tony and the others reintegrated themselves into Bucky's life, offering words of comfort over Bucky's situation and commiserating with Steve over Sarah.  Steve, it turns out, had taken the time to call everyone and tell them exactly what had happened.  If Thor and Sam had given Steve any indication that they had talked to Bucky beforehand, they didn't mention it to Bucky.  So things went back to the way they were, minus one Steve-sized hole in Bucky's life.

Things with Natasha had smoothed out.  They talked about their respective conversations with Steve as they waited for their Russian History class to start.  They kept their voices low, Aleksander had taken it upon himself to move to a seat too close for comfort.  Conversation ceased once their professor arrived.

"Good morning," she greeted as she pulled a piece of paper from her briefcase.  "Today I'll be assigning you partners for your group oral presentations."

A collective groan filled the classroom.  Bucky winced; he hated group projects.

"You'll be assigned one partner each," their professor continued as she ignored the students and turned on the document camera.  "You'll spend the period discussing potential topics from a list I will provide to each of you.  You'll be turning in drafts of your research to me on their assigned deadline days, and you will be presenting in front of the class on an assigned day during finals week."

The projector hanging from the ceiling clicked to life, whirring as it booted up.  The professor grabbed the chord attached to the mounted screen and pulled it down while the projector focused.  Once the screen showed an empty document cam tray, the professor grabbed the paper and placed it in the camera's view.  The camera adjusted until the picture was clear.

"You've been assigned your partner at random.  As soon as you've found your partner, sit with them and wait for me to pass out the list of topics."

Scanning the list, Bucky found his name with ease.  He froze, his stomach plummeting.  He hadn't been paired with Natasha, nor had he been paired with anyone he liked.  No, he had been paired with the worst possible option.

"I do believe you're sitting next to my partner," a smug voice said from somewhere next to Natasha.

Scowling, Natasha gathered her things.  She stood, swinging her backpack over her shoulder with enough force to solidly hit her target in the shoulder.  Natasha smiled to herself, moving to sit with the Maximoff girl that Bucky only kind of knew.

"It's nice to officially meet you, Barnes.  I've heard a lot about you.  How is Steven doing these days?" Aleksander Lukin asked, grinning from ear to ear.

***

"She's in better condition than she was," was how Steve began their next phone call a day later.  "I think she might be in stable condition, but they haven't really confirmed that.  They're keeping her under careful observation for now."

"That's great to hear!" Bucky exclaimed, dropping his backpack onto the floor before collapsing onto his bed.  He had barely gotten through the front door when he had received a text from Steve, asking if he could call.  Enthusiastic and not bothering to text his reply, Bucky had dialed Steve immediately.  "I'm glad that she's doing better."

"Me too, I'm a lot less anxious now," Steve said.  "Well, I'm still anxious, but you know, I'm less anxious.  It's gone from Code Red Anxiety to Code Orange Anxiety."

"Well hey, that's still better in my eyes," Bucky commented.  "I'm glad that Sarah's doing better.  I told you she would tough it out."

Bucky could hear the smile in Steve's voice, "Thank you Bucky."

"Any time," Bucky replied.

"So what's going on up there?" Steve asked.  "How are things?"

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, "Well, things are okay up here.  Things have patched up between me and Natasha and Stark.  There was a period of time when they thought I had done something to you, and they were about ready to murder me."

"Oh fuck, really?"

"Yeah, it was a bit scary to be pinned against a wall, but Sharon mediated while we talked it out.  And once Natasha had mellowed, so did everyone else.  So we're good there.  Otherwise, things have been pretty boring.  I got paired up with a real jackass for my Russian History final project."

"Really?  You didn't get paired up with Natasha?"

"No, I'm pretty sure this whole thing is the professor's way of making sure that Natasha and I actually turn in our final project," Bucky explained.  "I think she's of the opinion that Natasha and I don't do the work despite all evidence to the contrary."

"It might have something to do with the fact that you guys spend more time gossiping in class than doing the actual work," Steve pointed out.

"We do the actual work," Bucky protested.  "We just have more interesting things to discuss sometimes."

 "So who are you paired up with?" Steve asked.

"Um…  Well…"

"Is it Aleksander?" Steve pressed.

"Yeah, it is," Bucky confirmed.

"How's Odinson's?" Steve asked, clearly changing the subject.

"Well, there was this pain in the ass blond kid who used to come in all the time and order these iced Americanos, but I haven't seen him for a while," Bucky teased.  "But I think he's going through a rough time right now, so I'm willing to let him off the hook."

"Maybe you scared him off with your ugly mug," Steve joked.

Bucky scoffed, "Excuse you Rogers, my mug is gorgeous.  You should know, you've _kissed_ this mug."

"A lapse in judgment on my part, I assure you," Steve deadpanned.

Bucky chuckled under his breath before exhaling, "I miss you, you smartass."

"I miss you too, Buck," Steve replied.  "I really wish I could see you in person."

"Are you… Are you going to be okay with me working with Aleksander?" Bucky asked after a pause.

Steve inhaled sharply, then exhaled.  "I'm not gonna lie, I'm not happy about it.  But at the end of the day, there's nothing I can do about it.  Your professor made the decision and I can't change that.  Do I wish you were working with someone else?  Yes.  Am I going to get mad at you for working with him?  No."

"Don't worry, I'll give you updates on his scummy behavior," Bucky said, only partially joking.  Steve didn't respond, so Bucky added, "There's nothing he can say to me to make my opinion of you change, you know that right?  He's an asshole, I know that."

"I know, just be careful," Steve warned.  "He likes to get under people's skin."

"Well, what's the worst that could happen?"

***

"So, what exactly is your relationship with Steven?" Aleksander pressed as he refused to take his eyes off Bucky.  "I'm surprised that he'd even have interest in someone like you, but I suppose there's no accounting for taste."

The fact that Bucky managed to not snap his pencil in half was a god damn miracle.  It had been two weeks since Bucky had talked to Steve about working with Aleksander.  Bucky was currently holed up with Steve's ex in the library so they could work on their project.  Bucky had told Aleksander that they were only to discuss the project while they were there, but that apparently did nothing to dissuade Aleksander.  "It's none of your business, pal," he hissed.

Aleksander held his hands up, "I'm just curious.  Steve is my ex-boyfriend after all."

"Yeah, I'm well aware," Bucky snapped.  "We're not here to discuss Steve, we're here to work.  If you can't honor that, then I'm leaving."

"I haven't seen Steve around campus lately," Aleksander continued, blatantly ignoring Bucky's warning.  "Did you run him off?  No, you couldn't have, Natalia wouldn't be talking to you if you had."

"Knock it off Lukin," Bucky growled.

"Did something happen to his mother?" Aleksander pressed.  He smiled at the look on Bucky's face, "So, dear Sarah Rogers is sick again.  And naturally Steve dropped everything to run to her side, including you.  But that's Steve for you, drops everything that's not important to care for his mommy."

Bucky slammed his hands down on the table and stood quickly, knocking over his chair.  All eyes snapped to them, but Bucky could care less.  He got right in Aleksander's face, fingers itching to grab the fucker in front of him and _shake_.  "You listen to me," Bucky growled, "and you listen good.  Nothing, I repeat, _nothing_ that happens between me and Steve is your business.  What happens in Steve's life is none of your god damn business.  You had the opportunity to be a part of Steve's life and have Steve's business be your business, but what did you do?  You turned tail and ran at the first sign of trouble.  Sarah was _dying_ and you made it all about you.  You put Steve in the worst position imaginable because you're a god damn selfish human being.  And that's the difference between you and me.  I'm not going to make Steve pick between me and Sarah, there's no contest there.  What I am gonna do is make sure that Steve knows that I'm here for him through thick and thin because that's what you do for someone you love.  You stand by them when they need it."

Aleksander looked aghast at Bucky's outburst, but didn't retaliate.  Pissed but satisfied, Bucky gathered his things.  He shoved everything into his bag and turned away from the table.   "It's too late to ask the professor to switch partners," Bucky called over his shoulder,  "but if you ever try to pull a stunt like that again, I will kick your ass.  And trust me," Bucky paused to pat his left arm, "this arm hurts like a sonofabitch."

Shoving open the doors to the library, the cool April air chilled Bucky a bit, but he didn't care.  He felt invigorated, and he couldn't wait to tell Natasha that he almost made the Aleksander Lukin pee his pants in a public place.

***

"They said that she should be released from the hospital soon," Steve told him, sounding happier than he had in weeks.  They had reached the middle of April, and Steve had supplied Bucky with more and more details about Sarah's recovery as time went on.  Bucky was slowly starting to get bogged down with more and more projects, and he was beginning to worry about how Steve was going to fare with his own finals.  Still, Bucky was happy to hear that Sarah was doing better.

"That's great Steve!" Bucky exclaimed, tilting his desk chair back.  "She really pulled through!"

"She did!  She'll have to go through a lot physical therapy, but she's expected to recover in no time."

"So, are you going to be coming back soon?" Bucky asked, hopeful.

It was the wrong thing to say apparently.  The line went quiet.  Tension bled from the phone speaker.  "Bucky, I…." Steve began before trailed off.  They lapsed back into uncomfortable silence.

"What is it?" Bucky asked when Steve didn't elaborate.

"I thought…. I thought you'd figured it out," Steve whispered.

Bucky sat up straight, "Steve?"

"Bucky, I don't…. I don't think I'll be coming back," Steve said.

"What… What do you mean?"

Steve paused again momentarily before explaining, "We were already having financial problems going into this school year, with my mom being in the hospital all summer.  With everything that's happened, there's no way I can afford to finish up this year.  Even if the financials weren't an issue, I've been gone for almost a month.  I haven't done any schoolwork at all in that time.  I'm so far behind, I'd never be able to catch up."

"Would you be able to come back next year?" Bucky pressed, a tad desperate.  "You know, take some time off and come back when you're ready?"

"I don't know.  I really don't."

They fell back into their uncomfortable silence.  Bucky could feel his heart breaking, but he knew he couldn't say anything.  He couldn't change Steve's mind, not like this.

"Bucky, are you okay?" Steve asked.

"M'fine," Bucky mumbled as the tears began to fall.

"Bucky, you're not okay, I can tell," Steve said.  "Tell me, what's wrong."

"Steve, I promise, it's nothing, I just…." Bucky sighed.  "I'm just going to miss you.  That's all."

"That's it?" Steve asked, incredulous.

"That's it," Bucky repeated.

Steve wasn't having it, "Bucky, I want you to be honest with me.  You've been here for me for almost this entire Month from Hell, and I want to know how you're feeling.  Don't shut me out right now, let me be there for you too.  You said you wanted to ask me something before I left, what was it?"

"Steve, now's not-," Bucky tried.

"Now's the perfect time," Steve interrupted.  "Please Bucky, you can tell me.  What did you want to ask me?"

"I wanted to ask you to be my boyfriend," Bucky blurted out.

"What?"

' _Well, in for a penny, in for a pound as they say,_ ' Bucky thought.

"On my birthday, I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend," Bucky explained.  "I know that you have reservations about being in a relationship with someone after Aleksander—which I completely get now, the guy's an asshole—but I thought that maybe we had connected enough that we could be together.  But then all of this happened and I didn't want to force you into anything uncomfortable or make you think that you were going to have to pick either me or your mom, so I've kept it to myself."

When Steve didn't say anything, Bucky continued, "Steve, whatever you need from me, you've got it.  I know I've already said that a bunch, but I really do mean it.  And there are no strings attached to that, like, at all.  There is no caveat that says you have to be my boyfriend at the cost of my emotional support.  I just want to be here for you because I love you, Steve.  I love you as a friend and more than that, and I just want you to be happy.  And I want to make you happy in whatever way you need me to."

Steve took a deep breath, then let out a sigh, "Thank you, Bucky.  I just…  I feel like I can get by own."

That one stung a bit, but Bucky pressed on, "Yeah, well, the thing is, you don't have to.  I'm with you 'til the end of the line, pal."

Steve let out a shaky breath, "Can I call you back later?  I need… I need time to think."

That was it, Bucky had fucked up.

"Okay, yeah, I'll talk to you later," Bucky agreed, his voice hollow.

"I… I love you too, Bucky," Steve said, "I just need some time to think."

"Yeah, I understand," Bucky whispered.  "Good night Steve."

"Good night Bucky."

As soon as Steve hung up the phone, Bucky dropped his phone on his desk.  He stood—movements stiff and robotic—and shuffled over to his bed before dropping onto it.  He curled into a ball and closed his eyes against the imminent flood of tears that threatened to spill over.  Hundreds of miles away, unbeknownst to Bucky, Steve was doing the exact same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my official College Town Coffee playlist! It's what I've been listening to as I write. For suggested listening:  
> 1\. Jackie and Wilson - Hozier  
> 2\. Momentum - Aimee Mann  
> 3\. R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys  
> 4\. Heroes - David Bowie  
> 5\. Hard Times - Paramore  
> 6\. Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy? - Fall Out Boy  
> 7\. Mr. Brightside - The Killers  
> 8\. Summertime - My Chemical Romance  
> 9\. Vanilla Twilight - Owl CIty  
> 10\. Like Real People Do - Hozier  
> 11\. Ain't It Fun - Paramore  
> 12\. Coffee - Sylvan Esso  
> 13\. Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads  
> 14\. Ára bátur - Sigur Rós  
> 15\. Emperor's New Clothes - Panic! at the Disco  
> 16\. Do I Wanna Know? (Cover version) - Hozier

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Blond Boy with the Dirty Chai](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4802093) by [allihearisradiogaga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allihearisradiogaga/pseuds/allihearisradiogaga)
  * [Front Booth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5589868) by [allihearisradiogaga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allihearisradiogaga/pseuds/allihearisradiogaga)




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